The very specific moment I realise I am passionate about justice, integrity and truth was when I was very small and young. I was watching TV with my brother and he flipped it to another channel and I screamed at him. Then he flipped it back again and my mother came out. My brother had accused me of random nonsense and blamed me. My mother twisted my lip and punished me. I knew then that I was framed for something I didn’t do and it affected my Innocence. I carried that injustice for a very long time through the years of being framed, accused, abused and punished. I remember swearing to myself, saying if this happened to me, what if all the other children’s are being abused too. How would they feel. I made it my mission to remind other innocent souls, to hold on to their truth, their power and their ability not to be imposed by lies, accusations and punishment that erodes their self worth, self esteem, and ability to be who they wish to be, despite the blame, false accusations and image distortion the people in their environment threatens them to live with. I didn’t let the abuse, wipe away my courage, my dignity, my self respect and my power to hold my heart high and not let it be damaged by my environment. I chose to treasure my heart and care for it, even despite the environment I was brought up was filled with toxic negativity, I cherished, I protected, and I try my very best not to let anyone hamper my dreams, my desires and my love for myself. I was born knowing I was in charge to love myself and I was protected ever since. I had faith that lasted through many years of deep brainwashing, deep gas-lighting, deep soul tormenting and havoc, chaos and tribulations affecting my childhood and teenage years.
Having a traumatic childhood, didn’t erase my self worth, it didn’t make me subjected to other people’s negative opinions and it did not made me fall into the victim role as I refuse to be broken and domesticated into submissive, obedient and oppressive individual. I carried my soul core strong through the years all the way into my teens.
I have learnt to protect my conscience, the ability to perceive right from wrong and I defended this perceptions with my whole heart, it helped me build a strong character that most of my teachers and adults fear, and felt inferior towards my identity that was uneasily manipulated, uneasily fooled, and uneasily trashed.
The pain I endured in my teenage years, was unfathomable by many, but I was a emotional punching bag and a scapegoat who cannot lash out, or explode in rage. I then turn into self harm and in one regretful day, the self harm became too serious where I contemplated death. I went for it. I cut myself very deep and the blood didn’t stop. I was ready to let go and leave. What happened next was spiritually enlightening. A voice came over my limp body and sternly said to me, Get Up and Get Yourself stitched now. I was 17, a senior in high school, only few months away from flunking all my papers. My school attendance is poor and I’ve spent the whole year being depressed and oppressed.
I pick myself up, got 4 stitches on my left wrist. I felt no shame. I relieved all the pain. I recovered and funneled all of my energy and attention to salvage my education with the desire of leaving for college and not staying home anymore. I have flunked all my papers in the trial exam and the school teachers look down on me. I was abandoned at home and my sheer presence brings little comfort to my family surrounding. I was a burden. An emotional chaos. A worthless in-obedient, disrespectful, and shameful teenager. A perspective my mother and brother constantly remind me of. Despite the false portrayal and abusive treatment I received, I ignored and dismiss them and carried on with my hurt feelings and made a plan for my Independence. I scored incredible results in my exams, All of My F’s and E’s turns to A’s, B’s and C’s. In a sheer willpower, I transformed my grades and I was qualified to College of my choice. After the exams was over, I decided to work in the local mall, persisted the Shop Manager to hire me and I got my first job. That was my first accord that allowed me to bravely announce my Independence. Despite the tormenting environment, I excelled and beyond my teachers expectations, I pulled through and erase their doubt of my capabilities and underestimating my potentials. I was a warrior, hardcore, steadfast and dedicated to my Self-Liberation.