Character Assassination is Not a Joke

I recently sat down and talk about Character Assassination, after finishing the talk on YouTube. I suddenly realize that there has been multiple accounts of people walking away with their attempts or fully committing to character assassinating who I was and recently it happened again. But this time I was smarter and faster in detecting the anomaly of this wretched human behaviour.

If you want to watch and listen to my “Chat on Character Assassination” that sounds more like a Rant covered Wisdom and Answers. Click here.

 

In this blog, I would like to express the danger of Character Assassination onto any people who obviously never deserve this at all. Because most of the time, 99.9% Character Assassination is an exaggeration, misleading half truths and a form of extreme gas-lighting that sounds credible, but the undertone is to dispute someone’s reputation and good image. Also an attack to their integrity, common sense, and conscience.

I am speaking as I see another point of view. Character Assassination happen to people when their presence threatens the EGO of the person assassinating the target.

When the “Sociopath” is threatened by their perceived power or choices, they retaliate and “Emotionally Vomit” onto their Target using many tactic like word-salad.

Read about Word-Salad at this Blog by Thrive After Abuse

So what happens after Character Assassination?

Many things and 100% of them are Negative.

Character Assassination is toying and playing with someone’s sanity and credibility. Attacking their character is to destroy their sense of reality and to create a war within their mind that doubt, hesitate and frown over invisible falsely created accusation, and false reality. It may be false accusation and false reality, but what it really is, is actually a form of Mind and Soul Rape onto the target.

Character Assassination rapes the inner peace, the emotion, the psychological health and the mental health of the person targeted.

Long term affect of this action is to create Mental Health issues because the target has their conscience under attack, their character, integrity and common sense under attack.

The thing is, the target can never defend themselves, because they never see this character assassination coming.

This character assassination only comes from bitter, angry, resentful and egoistical and mentally ill and intentionally evil person that uses the base of many lies, many false accusation, many of their own inner turmoil, many of their own fault, blame, and mistakes and intention. They revert their evil intention into good intention and they try to steal your reputation, image, positive outlook, hopes, dreams, and ability to be present in who you are being.

This Sociopath or individual who desire to assassinate your character is possessed with Jealousy, Rage, Anger, Envy, Resentment, and they believe they are Entitled to take that power and decide to kill your truth, by killing your behaviour, by killing you character. They emotionally and mentally vomit their unresolved bitterness and problems onto you through the word-salad and gas-lighting.

Entertaining, Tolerating their jumbled and nonsense conversation is actually the hook and bait. To trap you inside their damned reality, and their damned emotional vomit and mental vomit.

When you see people who approach you with false motive. That they choose to throw their baggage onto your Reality, Aura, and Good Life and Good Vibes.

You can choose to refuse and not become emotional. Because you know that they approach you in order for you to invest in caring in what they want, what they think, what they say, and what they do.

They are light beggars. Unconsciously they are drawn to you, and attracted to you, because of your good spirit and good light. Despite it being something wonderful to be attractive. This attraction is not mutual because it is toxic for you, because it will drain and destroy you. This type of people, do not have their own source of faith, hope and love. Hence they try to guilt, siphon, leech and suck these warm qualities they cannot create on their own, by promoting entitlement and attempting to fool people that they are wrong to have boundaries, that they have no rights, that they cannot make their own decision unless this parasite agrees to it. So in another word, this parasite, sociopath, character assassinator is looking for a supply to feed their ego and livelihood.

I will be working more on this topic, as it came up again now, and I do have the outline for the program. So if you like, subscribe to this email list so I can inform you any related article or future updates on its launch.

I hope that you become sharper, smarter and wiser to detect any sign of people attempting to assassinate your character. And once we sort this BS out, we can focus on being happy and working on what we love to nurture and build!

Til next time!
Meredith Mynrose Universal Healer

 

The Suppressed Childhood Trauma Malaysian Endure

thesuppressedtraumamalaysia

Dearly beloved readers and Malaysians,

In my five years of understanding my journey as a healer, a life coach and understanding my own journey to healing. It has come to my attention that many individuals here in Malaysia were sharing to me their memories of painful experiences that were never addressed openly until they came for healing with me.

My passion and as a career, I have naturally found myself in this path to heal and guide people’s hearts towards love and nurturing their lives and personal happiness. My experiences of making observations about the pattern that keeps rising is that many fear and problems many of us endure is because of the conditioning, programming, fear and control that was forced to be set as valuable beliefs into these Malaysian’s childhood.

There was a strong violent punishment that was enforced onto children’s when they seem to do something that is wrong or at fault. I have no capability to express what parents may choose to direct authority over their children as I am not a parent. However I do carry wisdom of love in my heart and consciousness to know that there is a better way to resolve a misunderstanding rather than a violent punishment that keeps a growing child silent when being punished, abused, intimidated or harmed.

When childrens are forced to accept punishment, violent angry beatings, forced to look down in shame, forced to be silent when receiving verbal abuse, punished for disrespecting, enduring great distress as a child with emotional and psychological abuse, all of these experiences are kept bottled up with anger, fear, confusion, as a permanent behaviour.

The childrens ability to defend themselves, to understand their rights as human individuals, to realise their value and self worth, to understand why were they abused in the first place, they become a perfect candidate for bullies outside of family to prey on them. As their behaviour to release their personal power, dignity, self-esteem, personal rights has been already corrupted in the family environment.

Fast-forward 20 or 40 years ahead with a couple or three generations of “civilisation”, you will have what we see in the current social exchanges we may have now. For example, workplace bullies, or sociopaths will always be attracted towards the person who plays the role of the weakling or victim. The child that has grown into an adult will continuously attract the relationship magnanimous towards their best selves. They carry a emotional and mental radar detector to play the role of a victim and attract people who are abusive, disrespectful, rude and controlling even if they consciously dislike it, they have no idea that the values, beliefs, and behaviours that has been forced upon them in their childhood, is what is carrying their character and personality to attract the same dynamic relationship in school, at work, in social surroundings and romantic relationships.

No matter what they do, until they reflect the values, beliefs, projections that was enforced onto them as childrens, the way they were raised, how it affects and form their behaviour, no matter what they do, only when they become self-aware of their actions, thoughts, feelings, intentions and behaviour, only then they can start to shift and change from becoming a constant victim towards their surrounding and changing their role to become more stable and powerful in defending their rights and walking away from abusive surrounding and abusive people, colleagues, friends, partners and husband or wives.

Working in your interpersonal skills, behaviour, heart intelligence, discovering your soul through self-enlightenment assists any person who has had a childhood trauma to obtain a better sense of self.

Are you Abused as a Child?
Do you have a Childhood Trauma you need to address?
Do you have relapsed memories?
Do you have fear triggers?
Do you get panic attacks and high anxiety disorders?
Do you have depression?
Do you feel suicidal?
Do you feel lack of self-worth and self esteem?
Do you feel powerless to change?

There are telltale signs if you have a life issue at hand at an age as an adult, knowing that you keep running away from problems rather than facing them, skipping jobs, not having committed relationships with partners, giving up on things that makes you excited, dropping out of schools, colleges or universities. Leaving the country and going on a world-wind travel and not having a committed career and purpose in life.

You may still be living with a parent, feeling responsible for their wellbeing and care and feel constraint to be an individual of your desire with the programming set in stone since childhood. You are looking out the window knowing you deserve a better life, but because you have to make a choice of pleasing the people in your surrounding you sacrifice your soul, happiness and heart. You feel that maybe after everyone around you is happy you are able to then be happy too. But everytime you take a step towards your happiness, people call you as being selfish, your family members bring an urgent problem that you must commit to as a responsible son or daughter. There is always something stopping you from taking step to achieve your personal fulfillment. You have to begin to realise that this behaviour you carry as an interpersonal skill this inner character you actively use to care and treat yourself is what will always make you give yourself second-hand attention and giving people in your surrounding your best. This action is called serving others before serving self and will; no matter how many positive books or suggestions given to you by your surrounding, this behavior and action will make you lose respect over yourself, and lose insight over the importance of your own personal life.

You will continuously be a slave rider for other people’s emotional happiness, people’s comfortability, and people’s agenda. You may say that I am wrong, that you enjoy all this and you feel good doing all this for other people. And yet you may express you feel invalidated, you feel unappreciated, you feel undervalued, you feel a sense of lack and still looking for the meaning of life. You can see the contradictory meaning you carry in your life, with what you assume as good in your mind and the feeling of bad or emptiness in your heart.

You have been programmed to put other people first and sacrifice your personal sense of self in order to provide for the wellbeing of your surrounding. People pleasing is part of a trait an abused child carry in order to be accepted, valued and appreciated. This people pleasing is a trait that is always based on terms and conditions of the judgemental people around you, family, siblings, parents, friends, peers, colleagues and boss.

A lot of people who have endured childhood trauma has inability to have a back bone and stand for what they believe in, and to protect their personal interests. Their refusal lacks firm grounding and being aware of their principals, values and belief with ability to reflect on their personal interests. As a people pleaser who is used to be people pleasing, they exclude personal interests in their life and hence whenever they say No or Refuse, they have problem maintaining confidence in refusing or denying or rejecting people’s demand of them. This is one of the trigger a child of abuse may be exposed to, they are unable to refuse, reject, or deny demands from people who are not respectful of their feelings and personal stand. A concern individual could read this behaviour they carry but an oblivious opportunists will constantly keep demanding more from this people pleaser. You, if a people pleaser may carry guilt, shame, lack of self-respect and self-beating for not standing up even for yourself. These all takes a toll on your self esteem and caved in personal confidence.

To begin starting fresh in life, you find yourself here wanting to know wether or not it is possible for you to be happy, to achieve independence and happiness in life. To heal childhood trauma and be a confident person at work, in university, in the home, and being free in expressing your values, beliefs, principals in life. As well as begin to use your voice to express your own thoughts and feelings that may have been put into silent in a lot of encounters feeling lack of self-worth to push or share your ideas in groups of friends, at work, in your surrounding or people whom you cherish or value.

As a child, you may have had bad experience, traumatic incidences, things that happened you could never tell anyone, you didn’t want to bear that responsibility of pain you carry towards other people, you didn’t want to burden other people with your story, thinking that it is not okay to share this experience, that you are solely responsible for all the bad things that happened to you as a child. Speaking to your own parents to explain your childhood experiences is shown as weakness rather than strength. Your parents may ignore, tell you to forget it and move on, not validating your experience as a child under their care. Your friends may tell you to keep your chin up and focus on the pleasant things in life. You carry a big painful rock in your chest waiting to be expressed to the people who care and yet can barely be authentic and true to many or most people. You feel judged, bad and seen as a negative person when you decide to share a story to another person around you.

You see, you too are an individual, and basically you do not need other people to share this to except to spend time to begin exploring the experience on your own and ask yourself the questions, why, how, and what can I do. Sooner or later in life you could be doing well in life and people and friends who care about you will be listening your life story without judgment or depricating your life experiences. For now, it falls down on your lap, this responsibility to check the list of your past experiences and resolve your tangled mind and emotions about the traumatic childhood you experienced as a child.

The first thing you can do is list down bad experiences you endure as a child if you remember them, then try to solve these feelings through observation, acknowleding all the emotions link to it. Being aware of beliefs, thoughts or values you carry in your mind. Kind of challenge and oppose that mental values you with the emotional experience and truth you carry in your heart. Most of the time the mental perception you carry in your mind is based on a lie and it hurts your emotions and feelings and you are stuck in a conflict of mind or heart values. As long as you condition the state of your mind with the values of your heart, you are not able to validate all your true emotions. In fact you will force your mind to tell your heart to feel differently because you taught yourself people in your surrounding says I must feel this way and listen to them, or the suggestions in your mind, which is first and foremost a violation of your personal right to feel. The people in your surrounding, childhood, peers, they are suggesting you the idea on how to feel when offered a thought or demanding you certain values from your part. This is called manipulation.

A lot of time manipulation happens when people suggest or request certain things from you and offers influence of emotional feeling for you. “You should feel good I am offering you this opportunity that I am not offering to the other friends” or “You should be happy you are my favourite child and you get to help me clean the house and do the dishes” or  “You should be happy I am spending time with you all the time and bring you to work with me and you helping me with typing documents”. You should be grateful you have a grandmother and helping her do gardening and yardwork at her home in the weekends”

Manipulation happens with certain individuals suggesting you to be emotionally positive when they request you your effort, attention, companion, and forcing you to believe that your negative emotions is not validated, or true. They put their hands in your heart to force your emotion into positive feeling so that they can gain something from you. To do that, they put lies and deceit in your mind so that they can control your behaviour.

It is time to be more authentic than that, the feeling of being manipulated by your childhood experiences and realise that if your childhood family care about your wellbeing, they will not need to put suggestions or force you to feel a certain way the way you are not naturally feeling.

You have been avoiding and mentally evading your childhood feelings with terms, conditions, rules of societal conduct, and family upbringings that you are not emotionally healthy and able to take care and nurture your right to be who you are. If you cannot be true to yourself, there is no way other people can be true to you. Begin this journey of self liberation to open the cage of your wild heart and express all the things you have suppressed in your childhood trauma. The heavy things could be the sexual abuse, the molestations, the violent verbal assault and death threats some traditional egoistical parent use on their childrens during angry rages that debiliates your self-esteem and self-worth of not feeling right to live.

Your life is not own by anyone, Life is independent you breathe without string attached to people’s demands. Every life is sacred and beautiful. Its time to learn that your life is in your hands and how conscious and aware you are to be who you choose to be is important and can change the next path you take from now on in your life.

If you are 16 years old, realising you are googling this keywords “childhood” “trauma” “malaysia” and find this blogpost. I am happy to do sessions to help you heal that. Anybody under the age of 21 looking for healing, I will take that opportunity to help you. If you wish to send me questions and help me build this blog to help raise awareness of emotional freedom from trauma in Malaysia, please do so. If you are a career woman or man looking for assistance and can afford to book an appointment or session with me, contact me to begin a coaching and healing program specifically for you.

Your choice and decision to begin a new chapter and even a completely new book begins with your self-awareness to change what no longer serves your highest purpose. Most of the time it is the mental programming and behaviour programming in your mind and body. It includes the freedom of your heart and honesty of living. To be constantly honest with yourself until you reach a level of transparency and able to know when people in your surrounding are not being honest, it is empowering your gut feeling and intuition when you are honest with your own emotions and know yourself better than anyone’s suggestion of your feelings.

The most violating part of a human right is that you are unable to express yourself and your voice without being influenced by people who disrespect your emotional state and instead doing the thinking and feeling for you. They push your soul, take your body, force you to think their way and force you to feel their way, and end up using, abusing, taking advantage, hurting you and endangering your health, psychology, emotions and mental rights as a human individual. Learn about personal development so that you are not a prey in the world full of predators and begin to attract strong character and individual who respects, honours, cherish, values you as part of the love sphere on earth. Where everyone has equal rights, exchanges everything based on love and independence and learn to love with a sword of truth at all times.

Thank you for reading my blog, I hope that this post assists you in opening the wound of the past, and empower you to take a stand in your beating heart and personal happiness, that your life is important and it matters. You can heal and grow stronger and beautiful from the thunderstorms of your cold pasts. You as an individual have the power to choose and liberate yourself from influences that doesn’t grow your soul into glory and grace.

My name is Meredith Mynrose, I am a Universal Healer, Life Coach and Peace Visionary.

Sending blessings and love,
Meredith Mynrose

25.08.2015

Monitoring Workplace Bullies – Charming Sociopaths (Kuala Lumpur Edition)

workplacebulliescharmingsociopathworkbullyposter

Dear beloved readers and Malaysians,

Since it has come to my attention that many people have issues at work when it comes to working with people who do not pull their weight, or carry any transparency, honesty or respect. It is hard for you to find peace around people who are manipulative. Especially if you are used to being disrespected, keeping quiet, letting pass people’s manipulative behaviour towards you.

Workplace bullies carry negative energy of desiring to overpower their surrounding due to their needy characteristic to feed their ego so that they may be look up to, appreciated and valued. The fact is, bullies or charming individuals rally support from their team or colleagues and peers to take advantage of a individual who is allowing the bully, the intimidation, the scrutiny of controlling each of their behaviour pass under the radar.

Awareness of your peer’s behaviour is important if you wish to be alert of your personal boundaries being disrespected. Workplace bullies can intimidate their peers through subtle ways of rudeness, criticisms, put-downs and creating dramatic situation that makes the superior blames the innocent peers.

Some of you who may be reading this are empaths, highly sensitive or very compassionate individuals who do not have the same values with the chameleon sociopaths who are charming and nice on the surface and that carries an ugly values in the core.

You may have had trouble with workplace bullies. Who turns the authority against you, and you don’t know why the authority, your boss or senior manager is now against you. The culprit is the behind-the-scenes situation that happens without your awareness.

You can first be very confused on why your senior are singling you out and shaming you in front of your other peers for your presumably inadequate work. Things do not make sense to you on why some peers and your senior at your career-place is reacting to you more negatively rather than usual. You may not know what you did wrong, you may not understand what is going on. Well its true that we can validate your experience as abnormal and something is amiss.

You did not know why people are reacting to you negatively. You do not know who has been talking about you behind your back. You were not aware of the lies or gossip or “office politics” that may go around behind your radar and awareness.

When you don’t know something that has been spread about you, it is common for people to react negatively towards you when they hear a negative insight pointed towards you.

The first method is to address the weirdness around you. To clear the air and be extremely transparent about your feelings and acknowledging the behaviour of other people towards you. Humans have flaws, and nobody is perfect, everyone does their very best to be what seems to be a good choice in life. So the people , your peers who may have been influenced to go against you may have done so due to their lack of awareness of themselves and their character of integrity.

Open a line of communication with the people who are treating you with biased judgement that makes you feel something is amiss. Ask them what did you do that made them begin to react or behave differently than before. Ask them why they change their behaviour towards you. Express that you would like to know and understand so that you don’t jump to conclusion and make judgements about them. The goal here is to create peace in your connection and relationship at work.

If your honesty is taken with an agressive tone, or defensive behaviour, you too need to learn to engage in a manner where people cannot feel inferior. It takes practice to be sincere and honest and express with pleasant feeling that you care and wish to understand them and their behaviour. If the reaction you receive by opening this communication is bad, agressive, and the person who you wish to communicate doesn’t want to communicate with you and began to dismiss you rudely. You should understand that you must not take it personally. People have different personalities and if you cannot have harmony or peace in your surrounding at work, you should inform your superior that it is not a peaceful and inviting space for you to feel comfortable to focus at your task at hand. Althought you practice kindness and respect, you should not tolerate disrespect from people or rudeness. If the reply you receive is harsh and non-understanding, you do not need to apologize or excuse wanting to reach a state of peace between your connection with your peers.
It is easy to influence people who are easily whispered with power of suggestive opinions and remarks. Especially from a charming sociopath who knows how to pull the emotional strings of this easily influenced people. People of strong character would not be easily influenced. They carry integrity as their fore. If your boss, authority or superior had a strong character, then they would be able to understand a charming sociopath’s agenda. But if your boss, authority or superior had a weaker character that is easily influenced, especially after having a lone time with the social chameleon, your superior may have taken sides, instead of being able to judge fairly and listening to both sides of the story and making an investigation about accusation, criticisms. A boss or superior who has no strong character with fair leadership qualities is not able to make fair judgement.

If you have had trouble with knowing where you draw the line of disrespect, your personal boundaries or values, you have to check within your inner characteristic that has been brought up by your childhood surrounding. Do you feel weak to speak up your concerns and express your rights. Do you feel tired to explain yourself and defend yourself. Did you even try to at first?

The charming sociopath will always have an upperhand when you allow them to act in a behaviour that diminishes your integrity towards yourself. If you don’t speak up and put a stop to their harassment, it will keep lingering on until there is a fuse blow inside your emotions or mind to make you really piss off with them. Hence why are you using your patience to put up with disrespect, misbehaviour, harassment, dishonesty, manipulation in the first place.

Are you ? Are you putting up and having patience towards disrespect thinking that you are better person for having patience? That somehow this is a virtue? No you must have gotten it wrong, putting up with disrespect is not virtue, putting up with disrespect or rudeness is lowering your self-worth and personal values and it affects your vote of personal confidence, self esteem and self belief. Overall your voice will start to shrink and the sociopath in your office will feed their ego and pride of being able to bully, scrutinised, affect and impact you to behave like a weakling, with no voice, and no strong principal, defensive standing.

What happens in the workplace with people reacting, responding, behaving to each other has very close ties to how they carry themselves in the hierarchy at home and the value you are imposed with. People with compassion, heart centered, kind and focus too much on how their affected emotionally and did not realise the people around them, the sociopath pulls the strings of their emotion to play their game of abuse and bullying.

It could be the same enigma at their home with the same values and the same roles. People carry their roles from one place to the other, not being aware of it. It works both ways. Some people who are a self-sacrificial individual tend to give in to other people’s quirks and demands, so when they go to office at work, they began to behave the same way. Our behaviour can only be interpreted and acted out by each individual who carry awareness.

People like charming sociopaths could be used to manipulating people to complete their agenda. Their personality shifts with each individual they meet and come across. This could be at home, with friends, with work colleagues and their superior. They are not authentic and they are the gaslighter of the space, pushing buttons, creating drama, making people quarrel against each other. They are the culprit and most of the time, everyone would never think to blame them, because they have been putting the seeds of innocence charming individual all this time, at the same time, projecting and pointing finger to the individual in the group that have been putting up with their abuse, rudeness, disrespect and manipualtion and deceit all the while. Does this sound familiar to you ?

If you find yourself in this situation, I wish to recommend you to oversee your behaviour, character, personality and how it serves you to defend yourself in situations where you feel victimised by your surrounding. Your personal values and perspectives may override the clarity of the bigger picture and you may choose to begin self-awareness and awareness of your surrounding more in-depth. Rather than reading the surface, go deeper in the intentions and motives why people behave or speak in a certain way towards you.

Even more, observe your reactions, response towards people and look at the way you carry yourself. Is it with self-respect or dignity, or do you feel like you cannot be yourself and you feel negative around certain people constricting the way you express yourself. Learn to be honest and true with your own feelings and character so when you begin to behave out of character, you know that it is a projection coming from people in your surrounding. Your awareness will help you to start taking responsibility to your personal power and from then onwards it is harder to manipulate you to be guilted, shamed, victimised by your peers and surrounding in the office.

I recommend for you to book a session with me to help you deal with your current dilemma in the office and learning how to handle your personal energy and maintaining awareness of yourself. Then we may go into the root of each seed that denotes how you naturally behave around demanding surrounding and we will ask question on how do you choose to be better next time. We find the problem, We search the first seed of infliction, We get to the root problem, We heal it with clarity, understanding, and change of perspectives towards positive soul growth.

It is time to empower yourself as a strong individual if you wish to be ambitious, achieve success, have great achievements. You have to learn to have strong character, individualship, leadership and principals. Email me to find out about the Coaching Programs.

Blessings and Loving salutations,
Meredith Mynrose

22.8.2015

Thriving from Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Religious Abuse in Malaysia #IAMMEREDITH

thrivechildsexreligiousabusemalaysiaChildabusemalaysia.jpg

Hi dearly beloveds,

This is a new era, a new phase and a new stage in my life where I proclaimed my own identity beyond my wildest imaginable dreams. I had chosen to name myself a new first name which is Meredith. It had happened on the night that my ex-maternal mother called me to bind me into her will and control to break my spirit into heeding her every command, malice and demands.

A few weeks prior I had received a death threat over a text message by my ex family member who was an elder brother. It was over a cat pooing in the house. He owns a cat hotel and was known to be a cat whisperer. I must tell you a story leading to this big shift in my life.

In the very same week, it was the celebration of the new year in the Islamic calendar. My ex paternal father figure was at home, I felt the desire and the need to express to him about my childhood past, at the same time I was healing myself from post-traumatic-disorder that kept me attracting a lot of abusive people in my life, narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths, you name it. Fairly unknown to me that all this while, the fact that made me attract all this people who were abusive narcissists and sociopaths is because of the childhood conditioning I had been pressured under, being abused, tormented, gaslighted as a child made me prone to attracting the same situation I endured as a child into adulthood.

I held only integrity, personal love, respect while speaking to my ex family member, paternal figure. I had told him that at the age of 5 or 6 I had been molested by my ex family member, who is an elder brother. My ex-paternal figure father did not seem surprised. He was interested in the money that was given to me like it has been given to the rest of the siblings. He wanted to speak to me because of the money and I wanted to speak to him about my childhood and my suffering and the infliction of abuse they have caused my adulthood to be fucked-over.

I expressed that what I am speaking is important, when he tried to shift the attention to the money. I would say my understanding at the moment and awareness was that he is more interested in money than my emotional wellbeing. We were meeting under false pretenses of care. He wish to meet me to find out about my money and how I had used it. I met him because I wish to express what I had endured the past 2 years meeting a female psychopath recommended to befriend by my ex-maternal figure mother and what had happened afterwards that left me in that current state and condition.

I told him, if he wanted to know what I did with the money, my conditions is that there is witness in the surrounding. Islamic witness. I wanted him to realise what he had done onto me to make me afraid of men, to be afraid of defending my value and right of protecting myself and caring for my needs.

I asked him, has he ever touched me in only “halal” way, or “haram” way. Halal means permissible in Islamic Syariah Law, and Haram means forbidden in Islamic Law. So I asked him wether or not he touched me in illegal way as a child. He shifted the topic to the money. I said this was important. Then I said “Fine, if you want to know about the money, get witness present so I can speak the truth,” his reply? “why do you want to embarrass me.”

It was non of my intention to embarass him as my ex-paternal father. My intention is to clarify the air. We ended the topic there. I can sense that he knows of his wrongdoing hence he can express the shame in his behaviour. It alerted me that he remembers the past and his actions onto me as a toddler and a child.

As you now can observe, my ex-paternal father figure and my ex-family member, an older brother have both molested and sexually abuse me as a child.

Come to the story of the death threat from my ex-family member, an older brother, I thought that my ex-paternal father figure had told the older brother about the meeting and sharing hence I receive a death threat over something minutely small, which is about the cat poo.

The death threat was the final last straw, I was healing from PTSD as I had been attracting too much narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths in my 1 year period and been isolating myself for around 9 months. I was feeling pleasant and strong in life to motivate myself to do more positive actions to grow my business and my personal energy. Then comes the death threat which is highly unnecessary over a cat poo. It was hard to rise my spirit and then keep being attacked and pummeled down again by these individuals who were “family”. PTSD is such a heavy situation to heal, but it can be done, as I have done towards myself when I realise what it means, the symptoms and the triggers.

I had to walk away from the family house the same day bringing only what I can and left everything else because material is not important to me, my heart is important, not to be attacked or scrutinised by people whom you may call family.

I made a police report as soon as I receive the death threat and was told by the Inspector not to go home that day. I needed to pick up the kittens so that they are cared for. My ex-maternal figure mother texted me for me to feel remorsed of what I had done. She called me a week after to speak to me, and when she use the old name I was given as a child, I can feel all the darkest vibes surrounding the name. As if she was binding my soul into the name, the name that held on for dear life as a child, wishing suicidal since the age of 9 years old, calling for god Allah at the age of 16 when both parents were at it physically abusing and assaulting me in bed with a belt, the father belting and the mother screaming and yelling harder, hit her harder.

I was abused as a child, at less than 12 months old, my ex-maternal mother figure left to do Hajj in Mecca. I was abandoned emotionally as a child deprived of motherly loved. My childhood picture had me a lot of frowns and sour faces. I was teased and mocked by being sad. I was not allowed to be sad and get punished for showing a sad face.

I was grotesquely abused as a toddler by a sexual ex-paternal father figure and his friends. I remember one of his friend, I said I will never forget his face and when I was looking through the old photo album, the family friend picture was there. This uncle. We visited Phillipines at that time and that is where the picture was taken. But I know that I know and remember his face for a reason. For safety and for protection.

As a child after being abused and hit or verbally scolded, screamed at and attacked. I will bang my head against the wall to make myself forget. I can only share one reason that I know of. I bang my head because it had been done to me before, in order for me to forget. This happened to me as a child. My ex-family member eldest sister told me that my marks on my forehead is because the maid who push the trolley made me fall. I disbelief her because it didn’t seem true now. As I write this story, I as well am healing a deeper layer. I did not know how I pick up the habit to hit my head except that in my recent years of healing my soul, I remember hitting my head on the ground floor or hard wall whenever something immensely bad and horrible happened to me and I could not control my behaviour of self destruction.

I remember the moment when we finished in the parent’s master bedroom, he hold my hand and we walked downstairs. My ex-maternal mother figure was in the kitchen I know she was cooking. He walk me down together to the ground floor, I felt this strong urge to puke and I ask for his hand and I puked in his hand. I believe that he made me suck his penis in the parents bedroom as a 5 year old girl. Because the only time I ever had this trigger to puke again in my adulthood was when I smell a male genital who at that time was my ex-partner, it is also because I had a strong vision of remembering the past and what had happened to me then. I realised the two coincidences and complete the puzzle. I could not smell any sperm without puking until I healed my past.

Besides being molested and sexually abused by my ex-paternal father figure and ex-family member elder brother, throughout all my childhood and teenage years, I was consistently being intimidated, harassed and threatened by the 3rd child in the family which was another older brother. I was the youngest one in the family, and I was the punching bag for almost everybody.

I remember my ex-maternal mother hit me so hard with a wire hanger on my buttocks when I resist going to school. I was maybe 6 years old. She some times hit me with a cane, and the last time she herself physically hit me was when I was 15 years old or 16 years old when she found out I was using the knife to cut myself after she verbally abused me and hit a nerve in me for me to hurt myself to feel myself again.

The other brother who intimidated and harassed me all through my childhood, he physically punch me in the eye in 2010. I made a police report and the police did not do anything to resolve this. The police in Malaysia are useless and corrupted. Twice I made a police report, twice they held no compassion nor having any intelligence to recognise their responsibility to do what is right. They were not helpful nor were kind.

In 2010, when I was physically assaulted by this ex-family member older brother, when I finished making the report and having to go to two police stations. My ex-family was waiting at the house. My ex-maternal mother figure took the opportunity to say, every problem in this family is your fault. Everything is your fault, you are at fault. I want you to see that the recent case of being threatened to be killed and having my ex-maternal mother gaslighting me telling me to be remorseful of my action. This mother is blind, she is blind for every action that I do to defend myself. Nothing my ex-family member brothers do are ever faulty, they are always right. Despite having the most logical comprehension and common sense that her actions are untruthful and biased to side on the male siblings in the family.

Simply put, I was physically abused as a child, verbally and emotionally abused, sexually abused until age 9 when I realise the molestation of my ex-paternal father figure’s hand rubbing the chest area rather than the stomache area and taking advantage of my childhood innocence. Being sent away to boarding school at age 11 to become pious and religious and remember to be scared of male people all my life but attracting sexual assaults a lot of time growing up.

Nobody in the family had ever defended me, nobody had ever protected me, nobody was in their right mind. If the public knew my story, would they then share their similar experience, or would they be showing the dark side of humanity to victim-blaming and shaming my past experience. I am not ashamed of coming clean and coming out from the closet of being abused sexually by these people whom I was raised in the same family as. I thought coming back to Malaysia was good because they show they care, but it was a false care. When I was living on my own, I still could not trust any of them to ask for help, as I was going through PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and did not know what is wrong with me and what is stopping me from making money from my business and all my creativity and good vibes has faltered. I went through weeks without source of food and sometimes pray so hard to get client as I was isolated and felt scared to go out into public to speak, share or market my business. My self-esteem was attacked, my confidence is falling away from me.

Walking away from the ex-family was the only way to allow me to survive, heal and then thrive. I changed my name to Meredith with god’s blessings and its between me and God/The Universe. My religion is love and compassion. I respect all religion and the people who practices it, but I do not engage in any act of worship except to do actions that grows compassion, and kindness to all living beings around me.

I was born by mixed parental – Chinese and Malay. The ex-father figure is Chinese converted into Islam and the Mother is Malay who was raised as an adopted child under a Ranger, Shamanic Individual. Both these people have medicine and healing lineage. The Chinese father who converted into Islam has a father who was a Sensei in Kedah. The Mother who was raised by adopted parent was raised in a surrounding where healing and negative entities were involved.

As a child, my ex-maternal figure mother often has hysterias where she would get posessed and found crying and screaming. I remember a few times as a teenager I would have to recite the verse from The Quran , which was the Ayat Al-Kursi that helps to remove bad energies and for protection from the surrounding.

I believe that in some ways, the abuse that had happened to me is through the conditional programming of how both of the parents in my life were raised. It may have not been conscious to them, they might not be able to do anything about it as everything has become “nasi sudah menjadi bubur” ; what is done cannot be undone, there’s no use crying over spilt milk.

I am sharing this story because I believe we always have a choice in this present moment on choosing the highest road to love, and to compassion and unity. I believe that our choices now will reflect the future of the childrens in the future. I am sharing this as an experience and an example of a life story towards grace, glory and forgiveness.

Let my suffering help be a recognition to parents who may be doing the same to their own childrens. May the awareness begins with our generation and help us stop this cycle of destruction and abuse. Let us all love and forgive and remember to learn to take the pathway to love and harmony. Let’s stop the abuse, stop the ego-fanatical religious authority, and share compassion as humanity without borders of culture, religion, race or wealth divide us apart.

My vision now is to be a peace visionary, I am a universal healer bethrothed with many healing gifts, and abilities to expand harmony around those who seeks peace. My actions now is only to enhance love in one’s life and to create a ripple of peace around my surrounding. I wish to build a loving society that holds mutual respect for each other and those who are keen to develop their soul growth while living in this present earth.

All my life, my spirit was abused and molested, my young adulthood had been spent on healing myself from the trauma caused by the childhood conditioning. Now I made it my life mission to educate, share and enlighten people on how to lead a life of value, self love, dignity and joy. I hope you all who follows this blog, supports my dreams and ambitions are able to learn and reap a lot of fruit to your life’s development as much as I have from sharing my experience and healing journey with you all here.

This is my new name, Meredith Mynrose, means Great Ruler of Mynrose Dome, Mynrose Dome is a Place of Love, Unity and Harmony. This is my new website to proceed into my new energy and identity.

Thank you for reading my blog, and knowing me as another fellow humanitarian in this planet. Let us all grow and prosper together into love.

With blessings and love,
Meredith Mynrose

17.8.2015
Malaysia

p.s: Title : Abused Child speaks out, Mixed-Raced parenting with Islamic Influence in Malaysia