III. How are you Treating Yourself?
To know oneself is to love oneself. Most people learn to love things and other people as they journey into life. One good reminder for oneself is to have a authentic relationship with yourself, to keep a journal or to speak to oneself and always have a conversation in your minds and hearts connected together in silence and in the privacy of your own is one of the best way to find out how to learn to love who you are, know who you are and how to tend to your feelings and desires.
A personal relationship with yourself assist in discovering self-love and self-belief. Listening to yourself assists in learning to love who you are, it is one of the most important ingredient in life and in order to attract people who will give you the same and equal amount of attention to you. Personal time to invest in yourself is never a waste or a risk to take, the more you have time to yourself through journaling, private silent walks in the park or meditation to delve into your hearts and emotions assist in pouring love and attention to yourself, when you do this, you can connect deeper to yourself and start to see your best and weak qualities and make the changes you desire to develop and empower in your life, personality, character and attributes.
Self-Love is not Selfish, please don’t get this term confused. There are selfish people in this world, that always put themselves first and its always about them. Self Love is not Selfish, Self Love is to give a good amount of attention to yourself so you know you are giving your voice, your desires, your feeling and thoughts the most priority than the rest of the people in the world.
It is actually a wrong concept to give all your attention to things or people around you, you are important in your life and if you are persuaded or influence to give all of who you are to the person who insist you must, your parents ask you to sacrifice for them, your partners, husband, wife, siblings, friends, peers or colleagues, you have to start asking the question, who are they to me that I must risk who I am for them?
Some people have a hard problem to love themselves because they grow up, giving their all to the people around them, they give their attention, time, money, possessions, and sometimes even all of their hearts. You cannot let go who you are in order to be accepted or feel belonged. These people sacrifice their identity and has no strong stand in what they believe, because whatever they believe depends on other peoples’ acceptance and validation.
People who do not know how to love themselves, have trouble standing their ground and easily be influenced to follow their surroundings demands and requests. For Self Love to happen, One person must learn to direct how they feel to give or not to give their Time, Attention, Wealth or Emotions towards who they feel is worthy of their requests.
Self Love also links to Self Worth, when you have a low self worth, feeling of deserving, you have a lack of self love. Self Worth carries the ability for a person to take action to hold love energy, emotions, and thoughts for themselves. When the person rises their self-worth, they can speak their authentic voice truly with self-love. Some situations in life will affect people’s self-love because of the ups and down they feel in their worthiness.
Hence the fact that Self Worth is the Root to Self Love is important to acknowledge and define. If you feel that you are not appreciated in what you are giving to others, learn to look back inside of you and see what is the level of your self-worth and self-love that you are giving your attention, time, money, wealth, emotions and thoughts towards what doesn’t enhance your self-worth and self love. There are people in your life who may be taking you for granted that will create a degrading exchange towards your worthiness and your selflove.
Be aware that you can be aware to make a decision to not participate in what decreases your self-worth and self-love by choosing whom you put your attention, time, wealth, money, emotions and thoughts towards. Be observant how do you feel when you are around specific peoples, groups or circles. Do they give you a balanced exchange of encouragement or assistance. Do you receive as much as you are willing to give. If they do not give you what you have given them, how can you create a balanced relationship exchange when you are always the giver, and other people are always the taker.
Self-love requires your analytical and observational skill on how you choose to pursue your life in how you invest time and attention in your circle of friends and how they give back to you as much as you give them. Some individuals are selfish enough to remove you from thinking about yourself that you will in turn, feel remorse or guilty and bad when you have invested in being there for them, emotionally, time and energy for their highest purpose, when they do not give the same towards you. This is usually what we call as people who takes advantage of your kindness and shouldn’t be given any further chance for them to be in your surrounding as they do not respect you. If you respect yourself, you would make a decision wiser to choose whom you spent your energy time and attention to.
Nobody else can take the journey of Self-Love for you, this journey of Self-Love is your personal private journey in life, it is the same way as how you bath yourself, feed yourself and cloth yourself. Self-love is a personal act towards you and has no attachments or dependency to anyone. If you feel that other people’s validation and approval is what is feeding your self-love, then that will eventually harm you in the long-term as you depend on others to give your true value and feed your self-worth.
Your Journey to Self Worth, Self-Love and Self-Respect has to be an Independent and Unattached to any external force or people. If you truly want to build Self-Confidence, this journey must be taken seriously into your own accountability. You are the only sole person who is responsible for Loving yourself, Knowing and Validating your Worth, and Respecting who you truly are. Nobody else has any say in that, if they do, then you are not truly a free spirit as you are attached to other people’s impression, validation, acceptance and approvals.
It is achievable and feasible to do this for yourself, many others have, it just takes effort, practice and constant reminder. You are the only person who can change your insides, nobody else can change and transform you unless you hire someone to coach you to get where you wish and want to be, you can also choose to self-coach yourself to transform your life.