Invalidation is to perceive something without value. People can enter your life and began devaluing, invalidating, undervalue what you personally hold dear at times to your detrimental when these people continuously invalidates who you are. Taking your power and value away and lying to you. Usually this is out of jealousy and envy, a part of an act that is immature and childish, if you observe properly, the intention they truly hold is, “If I don’t have what you have, you cannot have it,” These are judgements based on their personal remarks and suggestions. You know exactly your own worth, your own value, and your own ability to make such assessment. Sometimes invalidation appear after certain people or acquaintances, friends and family reenters your life wanting to have power of influence over you. Playing with focus, attention is where people begin to point out many things that they feel do not deserve value about you. They are invalidating your presence, choices, decisions, by pointing out one thing after another that who you are is not good enough for their presence and instead they praises themselves and requests your validation.
An Honest individual will trust the action of this people and allow them to point out the invalidation without confrontation or challenges. Sometimes honest individual need to have some common sense to realise that there are people who do not have their best interest at heart. Being savvy or street smart to calculate and discern other peoples intention, hidden agenda and motives is important. Not to be naive or trusting, to question back with reasoning why they say such thing, to supply evidence and to have concrete proof, and to ask who are they to give such evaluation and where do they stand in their relationship towards you. Certain times this action is derived from their personal insecurity based on their own lack of success, creativity, ideas and personal satisfaction and achievements in their life. Most of the time invalidation occur with people who enter your life with a hidden agenda and wishes to obtain security from the acting out of pushing you down to feel unworthy. These is a cheap cowardly trick to make themselves feel better and trampling over your self respect, dignity, and personal boundary. This is where once you realise you had been in the surrounding of people who deceives and manipulates your trust of speaking to you with an agenda and ulterior motives, you have to uproot, rip out and evict the commentaries, suggestions, remarks, beliefs made by these individuals who undervalues who you are, by invalidating your presence. You have to learn to confront and stand up for your values when someone attempts to devalue your life choices and ability to live life on your own account of being responsible for our actions, intentions, words, and behaviors. This allow them to reflect back on their own actions and how much value they bring to their words, intentions and this confrontation creates awareness of their intention and allows you to showcase their bullshit and agenda. One of the ways to do this is to never quickly take anything anyone says so personally, have a conversation to dissect and scrutinize the things people say what is in the hidden meaning of the words people say, some people say something positive it may seem, but the underlying tone is and can come from a false concern and instead to be intended to make you doubt your personal values. Don’t simply accept whatever people say about your roundly, take a moment to think about where they stand, why they say focus on them and ask them to explain more if your feel that they say something to repress the value of something you hold dear personally. Respond consciously and allow yourself to figure out that most times, people speak from their own inner judgement and perspectives and they can only make evaluation based on their personal standpoint and not yours. It is a biased perspectives where the only thing that they can make comparison is to themselves.
People always say personal things when they make remarks (even when they say its not personal) it is always an independent remarks rooted on them, even if they came with biased or unbiased. Learning to express yourself and your values without the projection of peoples insecurity about you and confidently explain with self respect and dignity allows you to extend the understanding of your personal values to others. And if and only if certain people wishes to make remarks unable to receives a reply they are behaving childishly because they are not being responsible for their words and cannot face confrontations towards the words they seem to choose to make evaluation on their point of perspective and understanding. In that case, these are making irresponsible personal judgement that does not benefit your highest good especially f they refuse to make themselves available to hear your side of the story. Perhaps they create a projection to make themselves feel better about them, invalidating you and rejecting you to defend your values and when they disconcertingly refuse to give you attention when you were there to give them attention towards their words of invalidating you, you have to become aware that this connection, friendship, relationship is not coming from a base and foundation of mutual respect and hence realizing that when there is not respect towards you, they will probably attack your dignity by criticizing more of what you value and is harmful and toxic to have in your surrounding. They don’t have your main best intention and highest good, and they see you as a competition rather than a supportive friend or family or peer. So will you recognize this when it happens to you and make a good personal decision to confront, or simply walk away from this immature toxic connection. Recognizing this situation is your first step to obtaining empowering circle of trusted network, friendships and strong support system in life.