Life is a Journey of Discovering Your Inner Light

Hate Blame Jealousy {Fear}

Love, Accountability, Support {Faith}

Life is a Journey of Discovering Your Inner Light & Faith. Despite Everything You Can Heal & Thrive.

Human minds, emotions and psyche are so intricate, delicate, and complicated. Its hard to pin point a personal problem just by logic.

When emotions, other people, and insecurity gets involved, things involving the life of humans can get twisted and messy pretty quick and deep. It takes an intense observation, self reflection, piecing the puzzles together, to find a harmony again in that human.

Trauma especially is hard to fix, as it combines multiple accounts of people, place, situation, cause and effect as well as memories. But it is not impossible. As humans are pretty resilient.

Recently I binged watched this Netflix Series called Spinning Out. It shares on a relationship between a mother and her two daughters who are invested in Competitive Ice Skating. The mother and the eldest daughter has bi-polar disorder. Watching this series allowed me to see the intensity of the breakdown of the nervous system of the mother and daughter separately. I can see the struggle some people diagnosed with bipolar disorder goes through. The intensity of fear and the intensity of euphoria when they are under medication and when they aren’t under medication is a stark contrast. I just want to put a disclaimer in this blog and article. I am not a professional therapist or a psychiatrist. I don’t prescribe medicines and I do not fully engage in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. I am a self taught holistic coach, and I gather answers from being deeply observant of people, their life, their struggles and I apply my own healing experiences that comes from my own personal healing success to my clients and audience who reads my articles and blogs as well as them who watches my videos on my YouTube channel. I make this statement so that this article is not liable to any mishap happening to any of the users of this website.

Okay so moving on. I do not support or condone the use of medicines as I had always seek alternative course of healing such as using herbal medicine to treat depression such as St Johns Worth that also treats my anxiety. I also know when I needed help with my hypertension which causes me to rely in the modern medicine and take the high blood pressure medicine for it. I personally understand medicine does have side effects especially when taking the wrong one. That is why each person is fully responsible to ensure they research the medicine they are being prescribed, to ask the side effects of the medicines they are taking. But overall, mental illness or ailment concerning the health of the heart, mind and body, could come from unresolved trauma that is taking a toll on the mind, heart and body because it is not being laid out in the open for processing, healing and closure.

What is similar between all of this mental illness is how the nervous system responds to an environment they find threatening {fear/paranoia} or a situation they find uninteresting {depression/lifeless}. But to what context do this apply to all humans who struggle with mental health issues. Sometimes the mental health issues is passed down through generations and at other times it is through excessive negative environment conditioning the human individual to give up their voice, desires, individuality in order to be a submissive, oppressed, dominated individual.

The nervous system responds to energy in the mind, the energy in the environment, the energy the people around the person gives, the energy the person keeps giving attention to. When the nervous system carries unresolved trauma, unresolved conflicts, constant conflicts that is ongoing and continuous in their life, their reaction and response to turbulence, confrontation, conflict becomes very unproductive, very stagnant, and very unresolved. As it piles up to a maximum optical point that starts to take over the harmonious function of other parts of that persons life. Their quality of life deteriorates. They cannot harmoniously balance their life and function with harmony. They will struggle in certain areas in their life until they cannot maintain a strong front in their daily life until they feel like they are left behind in this world watching the world leaving them. In this case, the person needs to address their personal struggles through healing them or having a therapist that can help them ease the burden they are carrying in their life, wether it is through mind, emotion, or inner psychological wellbeing.

Now we have the basic understanding of mental health and its core struggle, I would like to share my take on watching and picking up nuggets of healthy reflection on struggles of people dealing with bipolar disorder that I watch on Netflix and using as a reference. The Netflix series is called “Spinning out”. When I first saw the trailer for this new series. I hated it. Because I didn’t want to be triggered with my old fear and energies that I thought I was still sensitive by. But somehow a nudge says lets just watch it detached, and not put myself in their shoes. It was enlightening but some of the scenes could really affect some people. Like how 13 Reasons Why Netflix series affected people who have experiences self-harm and may trigger them to remember past pain. Sometimes TV series do more harm than good to unsupervised viewers. So from my knowledge the readers and viewers of my content on this internet is individuals above 20 years old. I hope that if you are of a younger age you seek help from your school’s psychologist or to get referral from your General Practitioner Doctor you often go to when you are sick for a Therapist with the consent of your parent.

After settling down with the idea that I will watch the series as an educational research, I was able to observe the struggle that a person with bipolar disorder has. It almost look like a Complex PTSD trigger as well. As a person who are struggling with complex ptsd they have episodes too. To those who don’t know what an episode is, its a term that entails a situation where being triggered by a color, memory, people, smell, they are recalled into their darkest past and memories, and their nervous system goes into a fight mode, and they have a delusion or a psychosis where they cannot get out of until their attention shifts to a different energy in their body or they pass out crying or find a way to self soothe.

Understanding the struggles faced by the eldest daughter in the Netflix Series, Spinning Out, her name is Katarina. The casting of the actress is perfect as she definitely portray the eyes of intense darkness. Some people who struggles in life carries the intense eyes that has darkness that doesn’t have an end. But when the spark returns in their spirit, their eyes glimmer and shines. I specifically remember a toxic person I come across who struggles with their self esteem and has frequent episodes with abandonment. That person too has dark pitless eyes. When I say toxic person, its not a general depiction of people who suffers with mental health. I advise readers to accept unhealthy and when the individual hurts another person without having self control it can be considered toxic.

The episodes the character has in this tv series, was triggered by nasty comments, competition, jealousy, and hate for others blessings and talent. The character Katarina had her mind psyched out by her competitor, and did exactly the thing the competitor told her not to do. Which was looking down when she was lifted up in their pair skating routine on the ice ring. So to combine the source of the episode the character struggles with is that

  1. being psyched out by competitor
  2. the character did not detect the malicious intent of the opposing party
  3. the negative commentator voice is rolling like a tape recorder in that character’s mind
  4. the character gets distracted with the malicious comment not to look down and sabotage herself and keeps falling
  5. the character feels frustrated after falling many times and resorted to flee to isolation and self harm

There are types of episodes in people struggling with mental health, wether they self harm or they harm another person close to them.

6. The mother of Katarina, when she has an episode, she harms her youngest daughter.
7. The difference with Katarina is that she harms herself during her episode trigger.
8. The mother blames her eldest daughter Katarina for causing her to give up her opportunity to enter the Olympics for Ice Skating.
9. The mother hates Katarina and places blame and avoids admitting her personal jealousy towards her daughter. Every time Katarina excels, the mother feels inferior and **spoiler alert** The mother sabotages the daughter, Katarina during her competition to change her routine in the last minute causing the daughter to fall onto the ice and crack her skull open causing her trauma to continue skating competitively.

I want you readers to Look at the words Below


I also want you readers to see a pattern in your life, in your self when you self sabotage, and in others who sabotage you. The energy of hate, blame, and jealousy causes so much disharmony that hurts the people like yourself.

When I notice this words that make up the constant struggle in a toxic person who hurts their children or themselves. I reversed this words and found. # LOVE # ACCOUNTABILITY AND #SUPPORT. I do see the character Katarina receiving Love, Accountability and Support in her journey of fighting to achieve what she places a new focus, attention and desire on. She receives Love and support from her friend who persuades her not to give up. She realise she needs to be accountable for the thoughts and feelings running within her. She starts to pro-actively change the voice in her mind and she changes her actions to support her dreams and desires. She didn’t listen to the blame, self hatred, and let the jealousy of others keep her from pursuing her dreams. She realise she is talented, she could do it before, and she can do it again. She just has to keep trying till she gets it right. She recognises her own weakness and she took control of her weakness by monitoring and taking care of her bipolar disorder, and she places a new energy of possibility. She believes she love herself enough to go for what she wanted. She knew if she change her actions and make a different choice, instead of running away to London with her boyfriend and give up her Skating dreams, she embraced the opportunity that present itself to be paired with another skater. She didn’t take the easy and safe route. She instead face her fears of her trauma of falling, and she battles with the fear where her struggles with her mother causes her to self sabotage and finds a way to support herself through making herself be better.

Find Help. To Be Accountable, To Help You Change Your Life.

In Mental Health, Accountability is the Gateway to Freedom. I believe this was what had helped me when I was depressed and suicidal when I was 17 years old. I realise that I was suffering with emotional turmoil in my relationships with my mother when I was younger. I was blamed for stuff I cannot understood. Existing was just as equal as a punching bag. It was horrible. But when I realise things that makes me inflict self harm, actions that makes me the last in my class, I realise I’m only letting my environment drown me. Instead of letting the hate, blame and jealousy around me suffocate and drown me. I had to fight the energy and place focus on knowing that I am nearing my Adult age of 18 in the country I live in. After you become an adult you are responsible for yourself. I end up studying as much as I can and I passed all my papers in my last year of High School. I told myself, passing all the papers means I can go to college. If I don’t pass my papers, I won’t be able to go college and be away from the toxic in the family. It drove me through the frustration and struggles of the past. I was being accountable for my behaviour and actions. Just like Katarina when she believes she love herself deeply and know she deserves another chance to find a way to break free from her fear, pain, struggles.

I had to reparent my inner child, I had to educate myself a more harmonious, loving, supportive way of being and living, despite the negative harassment to hate myself, blame myself, and make space for the bitterness of others to engulf me. In life, there will be people who overextend themselves towards you, and are secretly jealous of you because of their lack of faith and enormous amount of fear that they need to pour that towards you. They find relief pouring their malicious kindness to give you an advice or comment masked in bitter jealousy. They blame you for their unhappiness and seek to control your happiness by destroying it and making you sabotage and destroy your happiness.

This is where the frame of your mind, emotions, inner psyche needs to understand all the above and tackle your mental health struggle. To be responsible and accountable for what energy you let into your mind, spirit, heart and body. This takes constant inner reflection, observing your habits, actions, mood, and observing how you respond to the world outside you, wether you are putting up healthy territories to protect your mental health with certain actions, or you are taking healthy actions to increase the quality of your life. To a person who needs to protect their image of perfection, ego, and belief there is nothing wrong with them. Its impossible for them to take accountability for their life and what path they got on. So healing is a personal responsibility. No matter how many people around you are causing you to feel intense pressure. From my experience, when these people are unaccountable for their actions it makes it harder to heal but as you accept their lack of intelligence, wisdom and love, and expect nothing from them to change in order for you to find happiness, self love and inner peace. Since you stop relying on the change of behaviour of this toxic people who hurt you to help you find happiness, love and peace, you become more free in choosing what makes you feel fulfilled everyday, become content, satisfied, happy in life.

Accountability is giving yourself what your parents, guardians, caretaker could not give you. You learn to see what is missing in your life in your relationships. Is it Respect, Support, Kindness, Love? Learn to give it to yourself. But before doing that, learn to see how certain life choices and habits you take on while being supervised by people who unconsciously or consciously hurt you, is hurting yourself, creating a personal setback, and is harmful to you. Accountability is Supporting yourself through your personal struggle and not placing blame and hate to the people who are unable to give you respect, love, support, kindness that you expected. Apparently humans are not born in perfect families, and your expectation to be treated with respect, love and kindness apparently isn’t something valued by certain people or members of your family. Hence, accountability is to replace the blame you place on any toxic members of the family and allowing yourself to be free from their inner drama and negativity. I admit at times it is hard to hold on to the values others do not respect, but don’t lose faith. Just because other people cannot see your worth, doesn’t mean its not there. Just because of how other people treat you lower than you perceive you are, and they put you down. It doesn’t mean you are deserving of it. At times, this mistreatment only reveals that person’s true spiritual enlightenment or lack of. They are incapable to treat people with respect, due to their own inner flaws, insecurities and personal setbacks.

It is up to you to build a support system that can help you be accountable to yourself to keep helping you to show love to yourself as a way to respect your life on this planet in this century. Eventually everything you do, become, invest in is leading to self love and to increase the quality of your life and wellbeing. But the clarity needs to begin from understanding your personal mental health struggle. What is the source, how can you combat and curb it from destroying different areas of your life. How can you be accountable to your personal life crisis. As everyone has different life obstacles, life tragedies, life sufferings, no answer is made for everyone. Healing is a personal journey that each person is accountable for. Healing is also a Personal journey of Self Love and Self Respect. As you realise how much you deeply love yourself and respect yourself, you put a standard in your life you abide by, and follow with conviction, because it makes a statement of your self esteem, your self worth, and it supports you in realising who you believe you are.

Life is journey of understanding your personal fears and environmental influenced fears and its a journey for you to carved or create into self belief, faith and love. If you are here reading this, and you are interested in healing your mental health so you can be happy, you can grow to love yourself and build loving environment around you, that you can live in a symbiosis relationship with the planet and earth. That you want to build your reality into a loving universe. I wish you all the best and hope you find all the support and help you need in order to take this great next big step into making your life your own that you are proud of living in.

From the energy of Hate, Blame, and Jealousy among all the other negative ones. Towards the energy of Love, Accountability, and Support. I hope that the article and blog above help you to clear out certain elements in your mind to help you take initiative in assisting in your personal healing journey. To help you to recognise and realise your personal inner struggle and soothingly interject yourself from continuing to hurt or harm or sabotage yourself. Instead becoming accountable, supporting and more loving towards yourself despite the toxic or hurtful people who maybe holding malicious jealousy towards you due to your blessings, talents, dreams, desires, and happiness.

The main character Katarina in the Netflix Series “Spinning Out” overcame her mental health difficulties when she remembers the consequences of her spiralling out into her trigger. She recognises how harmful it is to endanger herself and others around her, which she finds out after she realises how she loves her friends, her boyfriend, sister, mother and coach. She had to stumble a few times in her road to recovery, just like anybody its normal to stumble in your healing journey. But be persistent in your journey to heal your mental health and recover from any trauma that you endured in your childhood or trauma in your adult life. Wether it is due to people, event, or a inherited mental health struggles. I hope that you can hold on to a faith you can personally nurture in order to overcome it all.

If anything, let this life become a journey where you discover your inner light and faith.

It might be time if you have unresolved trauma’s to perhaps soothe your nervous system by attending to your inner world’s needs. Your nervous system is holding the active reactive energy of your past that may keep you trapped and suffering from the pain in your old sad painful memories. The opportunity that comes when you face your deepest fears, trauma, and personal obstacles is that you get to learn how to clear it, unburden yourself by the past baggages, and clear your nervous system from sabotaging your happiness instead reprogramming and soothing your nervous system to have faith, hold on to positive beliefs, connect it to optimistic perspective and you get to climb up higher in your personal quality of life.

If you would like to reprogram your nervous system, heal your inner child.

I invite you to a Universal Healing session with me:

  1. Tackle your Life Obstacle and be prepared to manifest your desires
  2. Focusing on Clarity Mindset, Emotional Detox and Nervous System Re-programming
  3. Train your Inner Child to support your Desired Reality
  4. Improve Your Wellbeing, State of Presence, & Mind and Spirit.
  5. Achieve a Wholesome Heart

Offer extended to 31st January 2020. Click here to learn more.

Published by meredithmynrose

I am a Universal Healer, Life Coach and Peace Visionary. Welcome to my blog where I share tips on energy healing, articles of personal development and sharing my wisdom and experiences to build a peaceful and powerful community in this planet one small neighbourhood at a time. Follow my youtube channel : AndromedaLoveStory

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