Introverts are not all nice, some are mean, and some are spiteful, only they don’t show it. They hide their mean streaks.
I remember the first of the few times I have to do public speaking in school. People expect me to fail and I did. And as I recall this event, I remember when I went to markets to sell my products that I made, and I was able to express myself clearly and share what I do without fear. Instead of doing what people expect me to do, I have to focus on myself and ask myself what do I expect out of this situation. Instead of letting the external force influence the outcome, I have to focus on my internal force to do what it takes to create the outcome that I wanted. This is what has been missing from my awareness and memory after trauma.
Toxic people dismiss my knowledge because it does not serve their agenda. They dismiss my intuition because it does not serve their needs. They dismiss my boundaries and needs because it doesn’t serve them. Full stop.
People who dismiss your knowledge and intuition, they do so because they need to control your mind and your nervous system. They are the most lethal type of beings, because they have no understanding of privacy, personal space, and boundaries. They are territorial beings who when given a little space, take up the whole damn world of yours. This is where, showing kindness to this master of manipulation and control is deadly. This is why, you have to seriously learn to be wise at being kind. Do not be kind to tyrants, for they will take it as a welcome wagon to enter and destroy and pillage your life for every last value in it.
After being traumatized by toxic people, and you perceive that you lost your memories, conviction, capabilities. This is wrong. You were told you could not access them, you were told you must not be able to reach it. You were controlled mentally to abandon all the things you love about yourself, and pick up all the things that will make you hate yourself. That is how your life turns topsy turvy. Toxic people have different types of demons, evil entities, genies, and evil spirits living within them. One of the demon is the demon of intimidation, moloch. The other could be the demon of mockery, momus. These are the two demon’s that I have to face understanding how and why I struggle to heal.
The introverts that I have met, mocked me for creating my healing group. When someone pointed out that its not a matter to be questioned as if its wrong or mocked, I only realize, yes, this is mockery. Then flashes of the past comes up, situations where I was mocked by peers, or toxic people in the past, and also being mocked by my own mother repetitively and even recently. Some people grow up to become adults, as myself, not realizing there are toxic behaviours we put up with which is not normal, but insidious and sadistic. This is the case. The organiser of the event, in the last minute remove me from a waitlist and I found out much later, and I wanted to not go, as I can only get prepared to go for the other event closer to me. But as soon as I thought of not going, there was a psychic force pushing me out the door as fast as possible. I think that the organiser and co-organiser talked about me. Perhaps even decided I was a scapegoat for them to be mean towards. Because the co-organiser, when a woman ask him a question I ask her, he was very aggressive and mean towards her and dismiss her angrily. He was wearing extremely dark sunglasses, when no one else is wearing it. He was always, wearing dark sunglasses. In his photo too. When I left to go to the bathroom and came back. He was sitting in my seat. I decided to sit somewhere else with other people, which I was longing to do anyway. Those first group was so loud, talk so fast, even when they mention in the event description, to talk slower. And its a group called slow talk. I believe they are hypocrites. Anyway, found out that this people and some others were accusing me of trying to steal their members and promote my group to their members. If only they knew. Struggling with anxiety and high blood pressure for about 2 years now, I don’t socialize at all. My only social contacts are clients who come to my residence for an appointment, once in a blue moon, my online clients every week or 2nd week or so. Then people on YouTube. Then the postmen. Then the people who take my coffee order. I basically have to push myself out to break out of my shell of isolation. Then some demons and evil entities in that group gangs up to slander me. I might be exaggerating, so what. What a world right. And it has happened before. It seems like a pattern that I cannot avoid. People will misinterpret my intention, just because they are fearful of whatever it is about me. I was there to make friends, and fortunately I did. I was able to join a group of people to play board-games. It was so fantastic.
Dismissing my knowledge theme. The organizer asked me why did I want to make a Healing Group. Her tone of voice was odd and off towards me. My first reaction to her was a confused facial expression. It took me a few seconds, and I realize I can’t see her face, at that split moment, everything was dark. I felt like she spit a frog poison venom to me. Like the black mamba spirit energy. Despite that, I answered one of the things I love, which I regret now. Because usually sociopath wants to mimic people for their authenticity. Sharing the things you love with someone fake, is like letting them into your soul. She brush me off and dismiss me afterwards. Not caring. No interest. Basically brain traumatize me again with her cold shrug she doesn’t care. Makes me confuse even more. This is coming from an event organizer who calls the group introverts and conversations. So I guess the conversation stops there and my discomfort grew even bigger and louder til I just leave for the bathroom. Which is where this becomes even weirder as I realize I was constipated. I suffered constipation for the next few days. And as I remember the feeling, I had been through this before. People who entered my home to hangout with me, make me constipated. The two girls were not girls who have self respect, but girls who secretly despise me, and wants to take ownership of my joy and my light. So perhaps it has happened yet again, only with the organizer and her co-organizer and the individual who brought up the issue of my intention to be in the group. Well guess what, God smites the person who mocks the work of spirit.
I am not healing for profit. If any of you followed my YouTube channel for the past few years, you know my struggle. Unfortunately, the price of healing for private session I place isn’t a price that most people are willing to pay. Hence, I already know that the people who are in that group are not my target clients. I was only there for friendship. But what I know doesn’t matter to people who already judge they know me. So I let god handle these people for their blasphemy.
This event has revealed to me a huge healing curve for me. For that I am grateful. The Demon of Mockery, Momus has been invisible in my life for so long. And I am finally able to face this entity and requested the healing of Al-mighty God, Allah, and his angels. And finally I remember, I haven’t been doing any exorcisms or demon banishing for a while. But I know that my visit to my mother’s hometown has left me heavy with negative energy as I have gotten sick for 2 weeks straight unable to wake up, and struggle with being well. But even in that moment and sickness, there was also another healing that occurred. Everything I go through with every event, causes me to reach deeper into healing my soul spirit mind and heart.
I use to dread living, thinking that this is very hard, every thing I do is a challenge, everyone I meet is toxic, every situation I am in is just too hard. Until I recently realise when was the last time I had a dream come true. Then I realise too long, far too long. But I remember that my health is a bit better than months ago, and I think this is good. It may not be a dream come true, but it heals my soul to be a little more healthier, after battling so many toxic experiences in the past.
2 months ago, I was triggered to remember to recognise the presence of djinns or genies and to banish them. Yesterday, it was my memory of vanquishing demons. I forgot everything about my ability to do exorcisms and evil spirit banishment. I don’t do the black magic or old traditional way of vanquish. There is not candles, pentagrams, no salt. Sometimes there is dirt and salt if other people are involved. Because somehow their projection and beliefs take part as well. But mostly when I clear a demonic energy, I use my original muslim faith, I ask angels, I pray to Allah/God, I seek the universe divine intervention to help me remove any presence of demons that are hiding in my life, energy, life force, aura, body, chakra’s, etcs. Also interactions with others.
I made a YouTube video mentioning how I realize there is a whisper in my thoughts and my ear, whispering to me, sometimes it sabotages me to take the wrong action, and hurt me, but because of my will, I was able to keep noticing this pattern until I come to the root source of it. Then I was able to confront if and realize this is a demon whispering to me. To always make bad decisions. When we don’t realize we are making bad decisions that hurts or harms us, we cannot protect ourselves. Only til recently, 1 week to 5 days ago, I was able to catch this trait and slowly remember how my nervous system is hijacked to always hurt myself, or make decisions that puts me in a suffering consequences. Like I was brainwash to forget how to protect myself, and to ignore incoming and pending danger if I make the decisions that was forced onto me by the toxic people.
So coming back around to dismissing my knowledge and my intuition. People who have been abused in their childhood, grow out of the abuse, then got abused again as adults, they struggle with memory. If they cannot remember the good between the bad, they cannot defend and protect themselves. In a way survivors are tortured mentally to destroy what they love by making bad decisions. There are many different spirits involved. But it will take time to confront each of them. But after finishing confronting and healing, there is definitely a healed awareness that helps the individual remember who they are, and what they love, and what is best for them.
One of the most potent evil spells to hurt someone is to make them forget who they are, which is what I have been struggling and healing over this past couple of years. Mean people have evil spirits or demons with them that just wants to wipe out your blessings, inner light, faith, conviction, and the desire to uplift the world with your presence, and unique blessings.
One thing I did get from the organizer of that group, was that she starts talking about how she would make people fight, and she starts drama. She was trying to make it sound good, but I said, the word in Malay, Batu Api. Means to cause people to get angry at each other and fight and quarrel. I don’t know how they begin talking on this topic. But it seems that she wants to talk about it. She mentioned people were approaching her to help solve a problem. So she mentioned that they should be confrontational and rude, etcs, and it makes people pissed off, but she mentioned it inevitably solves the problem. Maybe from her eyes. For an introvert, it seems like it doesn’t reflect her conscience. Seems like she is sinisterly provocative. After I found out some members of the group was bad talking about me behind my back when I went to the bathroom. I decided my intuition was correct and that the organizer and her crew might not be my kind of people. So I left this meetup group and will go to places where I am welcome.
When people expect us to be someone we are not, we don’t have to accommodate their false ego thoughts to control who they think we are when we aren’t. I’m not letting the external force influence my reputation or status. My expectations to build my meetup group, and to visit other people’s are to socialize and serve by being who I am to people who welcomes and appreciates me.
“Instead of doing what people expect me to do, I have to focus on myself and ask myself what do I expect out of this situation. Instead of letting the external force influence the outcome, I have to focus on my internal force to do what it takes to create the outcome that I wanted”
The outcome I wanted from joining meetup groups and creating my own is to invite more lovely experiences and joyful moments.
I wish to recognise and remember, how toxic people will dismiss our intuition and knowledge because it serves them that we forget who we are, so they can associate and possess parts of us they want to control and suck life force from. As we remember who we are and take ownership of our strengths, virtues, abilities, as we protect our knowledge from being dismissed and our intuition ignored by toxic mean people. We get to protect the life God gave us, and we get to protect the blessings that we are born with, so we get to life a fulfilling life.
So the lesson I wish to share on this blogpost is that:
1. Protect our knowledge of who we are amongst people who wish to control us in order that it benefits them.
2. Shield and Listen closely to our intuition, when we are being influenced to abandon our gut instincts over allowing others to dictate what we should do, feel, and behave and choose.
3. There are many ways to mock people with subliminal language and using questionable tone of voices that leaves a negative feeling in the air. When you are mocked, readily understand the insecure projection of the individual and stick to your faith, and not pickup the projection of shame, fear, embarrassment, unworthiness from that individual. Know your self worth and beliefs and hold your faith while they preach their fear.
4. There might be a powerful external force that judges who you are before even allowing you to express yourself, this social expectation to control your image even before you get to be yourself is toxic projection. But fret not, as you listen to your intuition, and ask yourself who do you wish to be, how do you wish to portray yourself, what is the way you chose to show up and stand up and shine, focus on the divine image you hold of yourself, rather than the distorted collective toxic projection people who badmouth and talk bad about you behind your back. Their social expectation for you to fail comes from their ego projection, and your social expectation for you to thrive comes from your divine authentic projection. Only you know who you are. Others can only assume until they open their mind to learn about who you are.
5. Let go of other people who insist on misunderstanding you. Let go of trying to control people who insist on not understanding you. You are not responsible to cater to other peoples prejudice minds. When you realize they see you in a way that is not true, you don’t have to keep that connection. As why would you want to hold an energy bond with others, when they send you negative life force? Acknowledge the way they see you, and dismiss and become indifferent to their thoughts. They are only 1 or few person or group of people who insist on seeing you a certain way based on a gossip, a slander. Your power is in leaving them, forgetting about them, and not caring about them. They were never your friends to begin with, and they are strangers or peers who have close mind to judge you before they got to know you. Their perspective of you, is only one version of how people see you. The most important version is the way you see yourself. The way god sees your light in this world.
6. There are people in this world, who intimidates other people to believe that they are important, powerful, wealthy, popular, respected, admired. But they just master the art of deluding people. Some people have a life goal of the stated. Some other people have life goals that doesn’t revolve around their superficial image. This is just people who do not have relationship with the divine, in order to be grounded and basic enough to conform in love and light, kindness and truth. Some people’s life goal is to be of service with their unique blessings in life.
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