Seeds, they require unique identity (Set of DNA) and a facet of nature in order to grow into what its meant to be.
A seed that is covered by soil is the one that is able to grow.
Humans with a soul is seeds in a soil. Humans that are within society.
Seed in Soils. Some Humans are merely Soils for other Seeds to grow.
Here is where the favourite topic of mine comes in. Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths. They are all Soils to Your Soul. They are who you are not, and they repel that to you. They challenge your boundaries and they force you to stand in your roots (your beliefs). They challenge to you to come into your own Independent selves.
Your Seed is surrounded by all this Human Soils. Your ability to look within for light is what helps you grow beyond the soils, into roots growing and bud forming reaching to the light.
What you believe about yourself and how you nurture yourself within you is what make your seed grow. You attract the opposition of the resistance of the soil around you so that you are a force to be reckon with.
The light within your seed is the force of faith. That faith inside you is the force to be reckon with by these narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths.
I want to bring in the Universe to help you compare how the speck of this “tiny you” as a seed on planet earth is actually able to come into picture with how a star is born in the galaxy, either our milky way, or the favourite of mine, Andromeda. Which inspires me the name of my growing Youtube Channel called Andromeda Love Story.
In the universe there is a scientific research that states, interstellar medium exists.
“This matter includes gas in ionic, atomic, and molecular form, as well as dust and cosmic rays. It fills interstellar space and blends smoothly into the surrounding intergalactic space.” -Wikipedia.
The Interstellar medium is like a canvas for this universe. The Universe with the right ingredients is able to trigger the medium and spark light to create a new born star in this Universe.
Now hear this. Humans who are born with a soul, they are seeds on this planet earth. This seeds are triggered by the soils they are surrounded by. This means the people around you in your life triggers your seed (soul) to grow in a specific definitive remarkable non-coincidental way. Everything has a reason and a purpose.
Every molecule of soil surrounding the seed plays an important role to spurt the growth of the seed. Every human in your life plays a role that correlates to the meaning of your life and how the journey creates your unique lifestream of challenges, obstacles and eventually success and victories.
You may have just begin to read about this and may only start to get to know me. I seem to be fixated on talking about sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists because I feel like I had been a huge magnet to them, after in 2014, attracting over 12 different types of variety of narcissists to sociopath and even psychopaths.
My dream is huge, its enormous even. I believe in seeing world peace in my lifetime. I was raised in a very unhealthy family dynamic where constant intimidation, harassment, belittlement is continuously round the clock and I had desire so much peace in my childhood life that it has become my main agenda even to this day. The more I was under attack, as soon as I had my locked door privacy of my room, I would tell myself all the opposite thing that I heard and how I love myself. I constantly tell myself that I am not what they say I am. That to me, is how I manage to stay strong all this time, holding to my soul, heart, and truth.
So 10 years ago I thought I would graduate college and work as a designer and build a brand of my own being a businesswoman. I dropped out, worked, planned to enrol into another college, got an offer from London College of Fashion but was refused by a psychopath ex-father and decided the only way to gain freedom is to run away to another country and into the hands of a psychopathic man in New Zealand. There I was very close to being murdered when his hands strangled my neck until I lost consciousness.
I came back to Malaysia thinking the nice behaviour the ex family had shown me in the text messages were real and I only hope for a happy family. I came back after realising I couldn’t get away from the man, luckily he was stuck in New Zealand with a criminal record and I got my ex family to pick me up and bring me back to Malaysia. Things went sour when an ex-brother physically hit me and I learn to stand up and called the police. The witness of this incidence, my ex father looked down at me and say nothing more to the ex brother than “You would not do this to your girlfriend”. Coming back from the police station my ex-mother said to me “Everything and every problem in this family is your fault.”
From then onwards, they left me alone. I was left to focus on my passion, which was a craft business and studying fashion design in a local college. In 2010 I travelled Australia and visited New Zealand and met the man again. I didn’t know I was still trauma bonded with him. I didn’t know why I want to be there, and celebrated New Year 2011 with him being awkward and not knowing any reason why I was there.
In my journey in Australia I found out that I was a psychic and an empath. So as soon as I finish my trip, I practice Tarot Reading and look towards understanding what is an Empath.
I began my Psychic exploration and realised I also had the ability to heal. I did my first accidental exorcism when I was putting my hands on a person’s sacral chakra and a lot of heat came out and then the entity popped out and start causing riot and chaos in the location.
I travelled to Europe in 2012 for 3 months and did Tarot Reading and sending messages to people I met. Again, I felt compelled to meet an old flame I had an online relationship with during my suicidal teenager phase in Holland and Trauma Bond occurred again.
I seem to be a magnet to psychotic men. I came back to Malaysia and felt the desire to be fit so next time I travel, I am healthier and stronger. I was carrying 18kg of stuff in my backpack so my knees took a toll.
After a few months back in Malaysia, my business was offered a space in a local large shopping mall for a Christmas promotion. I was able to participate and that is when I was in the centre of attention of many individuals due to my “success” of bringing up a brand for natural herbal skincare and cosmetic as well as a range of holistic healing soaps and handmade crystal jewellery. This was the business I started 4 years prior as soon as I return back to Malaysia from New Zealand. During my stint of making police report against an ex sibling and being left alone after that.
A female masculine psychopath was attracted to me and made me promises that she would help me grow my business in exchange that I taught her many of the things I know. To my dismay it was a journey of being broken spiritually, mentally and emotionally. She was recommended to befriend with by my ex narcissistic mother.
The same time I was growing my spiritual gift and I was already calling myself as a Life Coach and Healer. My spiritual abilities skyrocketed in 2013. At the same time my Identity was being corroded by the psychopath who was vandalising my trust and openness. After I left her I was left with shell with no inner essence. She had depleted me of my inner light with her shadows she left in my identity. She manipulated my mind to believe I am her weakness and that she was my strengths. My body carried those lies for more than 1.5 years. I was functioning on an exterior level and on the inside I was in shambles. I did not know that I was going through a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder through being in shock from the abuse and trauma bond by the psychopath.
After leaving her and the so called mutual friendship, I was targeted by the biggest psychopath I ever met in my life. It was in her flat that I rent a room after she managed to manipulate my mind to think its not safe for me to stay at home and move in with her, I felt the strongest pull to believe I must go to an event in London. My ability to discern and make good judgement was based on grandiose unrealistic traits that she had left in my soul as an exchange. I was scammed by a persian american who organised an event in London, was also brainwashed and raped with the mantra he programmed into my mind “we are making love, its not sex” after the event ended and I was alone in London.
I had already move out and left the female psychopath and have my own apartment after I came back from London. I was going through a huge drug upheaval at that time because I was addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana, and a weed I had smoked in London was laced with a chemical LSD/Cocaine. My vibration was forcibly lowered being in London and I felt looking back now, that All this situation had forced me to look deep into my childhood past and realise how broken I truly was to have been unable to fight in any circumstances of being in a dangerous situation in my life. I realised I only “endured” dangerous situation because as a child, there was nowhere else to go. So I endured being in the same vicinity of the rapists because I couldn’t go anywhere else.
The past 2 years of my life had been re-evaluating the conditions of my inner child wound being raised in a hostile and toxic environment where I was a scapegoat to everyone in the toxic family I have since have chosen no longer to be in touch. I realised the soil around my soul was cultivating me to be victim of circumstances rather than a fighter for justice. I had been in many ways psychologically abused, and sexually abused. Hence being attracted to psychotic men, having been sexually by 2 men in my ex family and physically abused all my life by the previously youngest child in the ex family until I came along. I also realised the type of people who came to me, black magicians, dark shamans, a confessed murderer, prostitutes, ex-convict cocaine drug dealer, soldiers, police officers, officials in governments that deals with criminal activity, they all carries resonance that was reflecting the hidden secrets in my childhood.
My childhood upbringing was grooming me to be an absolute victim, oppressed, emotional slave towards the hostility, violence and abuse of each member of the ex family. In my ex narcissistic mother’s eyes, I was below the rank of the family maid, having seen she was showing how she treats the maid better than me, giving her extra chocolate and attempting to make me jealous of the maid. The wealth accumulated by the ex family could be highly illegal as I realised my ex narc mother confessed that the ex father dabbled with illegal drug as an income. My highest guess was cocaine as I had experienced meeting the ex-cocaine drug addict and ex-convict and also because I caught the ex father in the act of taking a plastic filled white powder from the secret vault-like room looking at me like he is sealing a secret.
Despite me having the ability to conceive and create joy and happiness in hiding from the view of the sociopaths, narcissists and psychopaths in my ex family. I was still carrying unconscious behaviour, traits and characteristics of an oppressed victim of abuse which carried itself through all my relationship with life as an adult.
The psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists are only showing to me the deep psychological wound that had exists within me since childhood. I was carrying the carcass and they were playing the role of rotten flies feeding off my disconnected selves and pain.
I thought being open-hearted, free-spirited, joyful and happy and forgiving would help me move on, but I had not realise, I was not balanced in my perspectives. I was too open and giving that there was nothing left for myself. I opened all the gate to my soul and didn’t lock any part that was sacred to me that belongs to only me. So people come and go as friends and dump their toxic behaviours and take what they like and I believed they could, because I was raised forced to let my ex siblings and ex parents do the same to me. I was never allowed to defend my right of privacy, of feelings, of intellect and ideas. People stole many many things and got away with it until I start to raise my voice, learned my value and my worth and began fighting back and fighting back hard and strong.
I had to learn about the balance of my light which is the boundary of having a shadow, a line where nobody can cross based on my dignity, values, principals and ethics. I began to form strong roots, and I began to stand strong, and I was able to refuse any psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists from entering my private thoughts, emotions, and energy space. Psychologically I became healthier, I realised how I carried myself previously had been targeted by the Anti-Social humans. They saw me as a buffet of energy. My reaction was their free meal. “Stay in my Strength, and Stand in My Strength.” That was my motto to hold onto my fort and be non-combative to their invitations of quarrels and debates, especially the promotions and offers of their newly made up lies.
Learning to say no was the most powerful thing I had to do, because my resistance towards the oppression of my surrounding was what was able to make me grow. Like the seed, pushing the soil to make room for its roots and to grow a budding sprout. I was able to move my life and grow my emotions into positive rather than being squeezed into nothingness.
To be a seed that can grow, you need to resist what you are not. In finding my light and life back, I began to realise what I didn’t want to experience again, from all the treatments I had gone through with the life I was raised in, the friends who treated me badly, and the associations I have made. I start to refuse and reject what I didn’t like, instead of silencing myself and hoping things would change, another part of an inner child wound that I carried. I start to take action and ask what I wanted, and behave the way what receiving what I want feels and looks like. I change my action, behaviour and personality. I shift my mentality consciously and subconsciously. I look at my internal self with meditation and a lot of self reflection. At the moment of this writing, I had experienced almost 1 year and 4 months of total isolation. And had since begin early this year to venture out of my capsule shell of a cave. (My apartment) If you watch the movie Nim’s Island. Jodie Foster is the author in the movie. That’s my alter ego. The reclusive author aka I’m the reclusive you-tuber who had to go through intense deep research and healing to find answers, a lot of truth, relive a lot of painful traumatic moments and find spiritual blessing in the freedom found afterwards. With a library of almost 600 videos to date. Talking about Healing, Sociopaths, Inner Child, PTSD and much more.
Everyday I am growing taller, stronger and sharper. I am a rose with thorns. I have my seed ignited by the compression of the soil that surrounds me. I push back harder. With the words of the wise from Oprah “When life pushes you, you push back. Harder.” Its the only way you can grow. The balance of push and pull, soft and strong, light and dark.
You can open yourself up to the world, but remember, sometimes you need to close yourself off to what drowns and pulls you down. You need to sprout some courage from your seed, a little bit of faith each time you push back, move gently but consistently, have strong and firm beliefs that grows your roots, your momentum to rise with your ability to run your internal energy to remember who you are each day and why you live each moment and keep breathing and reaching into your deepest truth and shine your star and bloom your soul. This is the freedom from social oppression. You have the power to grow your seed. Nurture your soul with self-compassion, courageous unforgiving love to your own hearts. “I love myself, and this is why I will keep going and believing there is a way and a better day.”
Water your seed with Faith. Let the soil compress you and you push them back hard and grow your beautiful flower and tree selves. Build your Universe, be the Star of your Life. Bloom Gently and Wisely. Like the Star forms in the Interstellar Medium in the Galaxy, You can be a Human Success being compressed by the Carbon Dioxide of Human Oppressors.
I am a Universal Healer and a Peace Visionary, with a mission to bring enlightenment to society so that earth can achieve a rising number of happy & peaceful earth lovers.
Happy to be Here Xx
© Copyright 2016 All Rights Reserved Meredith Mynrose | Universal Healer meredithmynrose.com