Dearly beloved readers and Malaysians,
In my five years of understanding my journey as a healer, a life coach and understanding my own journey to healing. It has come to my attention that many individuals here in Malaysia were sharing to me their memories of painful experiences that were never addressed openly until they came for healing with me.
My passion and as a career, I have naturally found myself in this path to heal and guide people’s hearts towards love and nurturing their lives and personal happiness. My experiences of making observations about the pattern that keeps rising is that many fear and problems many of us endure is because of the conditioning, programming, fear and control that was forced to be set as valuable beliefs into these Malaysian’s childhood.
There was a strong violent punishment that was enforced onto children’s when they seem to do something that is wrong or at fault. I have no capability to express what parents may choose to direct authority over their children as I am not a parent. However I do carry wisdom of love in my heart and consciousness to know that there is a better way to resolve a misunderstanding rather than a violent punishment that keeps a growing child silent when being punished, abused, intimidated or harmed.
When childrens are forced to accept punishment, violent angry beatings, forced to look down in shame, forced to be silent when receiving verbal abuse, punished for disrespecting, enduring great distress as a child with emotional and psychological abuse, all of these experiences are kept bottled up with anger, fear, confusion, as a permanent behaviour.
The childrens ability to defend themselves, to understand their rights as human individuals, to realise their value and self worth, to understand why were they abused in the first place, they become a perfect candidate for bullies outside of family to prey on them. As their behaviour to release their personal power, dignity, self-esteem, personal rights has been already corrupted in the family environment.
Fast-forward 20 or 40 years ahead with a couple or three generations of “civilisation”, you will have what we see in the current social exchanges we may have now. For example, workplace bullies, or sociopaths will always be attracted towards the person who plays the role of the weakling or victim. The child that has grown into an adult will continuously attract the relationship magnanimous towards their best selves. They carry a emotional and mental radar detector to play the role of a victim and attract people who are abusive, disrespectful, rude and controlling even if they consciously dislike it, they have no idea that the values, beliefs, and behaviours that has been forced upon them in their childhood, is what is carrying their character and personality to attract the same dynamic relationship in school, at work, in social surroundings and romantic relationships.
No matter what they do, until they reflect the values, beliefs, projections that was enforced onto them as childrens, the way they were raised, how it affects and form their behaviour, no matter what they do, only when they become self-aware of their actions, thoughts, feelings, intentions and behaviour, only then they can start to shift and change from becoming a constant victim towards their surrounding and changing their role to become more stable and powerful in defending their rights and walking away from abusive surrounding and abusive people, colleagues, friends, partners and husband or wives.
Working in your interpersonal skills, behaviour, heart intelligence, discovering your soul through self-enlightenment assists any person who has had a childhood trauma to obtain a better sense of self.
Are you Abused as a Child?
Do you have a Childhood Trauma you need to address?
Do you have relapsed memories?
Do you have fear triggers?
Do you get panic attacks and high anxiety disorders?
Do you have depression?
Do you feel suicidal?
Do you feel lack of self-worth and self esteem?
Do you feel powerless to change?
There are telltale signs if you have a life issue at hand at an age as an adult, knowing that you keep running away from problems rather than facing them, skipping jobs, not having committed relationships with partners, giving up on things that makes you excited, dropping out of schools, colleges or universities. Leaving the country and going on a world-wind travel and not having a committed career and purpose in life.
You may still be living with a parent, feeling responsible for their wellbeing and care and feel constraint to be an individual of your desire with the programming set in stone since childhood. You are looking out the window knowing you deserve a better life, but because you have to make a choice of pleasing the people in your surrounding you sacrifice your soul, happiness and heart. You feel that maybe after everyone around you is happy you are able to then be happy too. But everytime you take a step towards your happiness, people call you as being selfish, your family members bring an urgent problem that you must commit to as a responsible son or daughter. There is always something stopping you from taking step to achieve your personal fulfillment. You have to begin to realise that this behaviour you carry as an interpersonal skill this inner character you actively use to care and treat yourself is what will always make you give yourself second-hand attention and giving people in your surrounding your best. This action is called serving others before serving self and will; no matter how many positive books or suggestions given to you by your surrounding, this behavior and action will make you lose respect over yourself, and lose insight over the importance of your own personal life.
You will continuously be a slave rider for other people’s emotional happiness, people’s comfortability, and people’s agenda. You may say that I am wrong, that you enjoy all this and you feel good doing all this for other people. And yet you may express you feel invalidated, you feel unappreciated, you feel undervalued, you feel a sense of lack and still looking for the meaning of life. You can see the contradictory meaning you carry in your life, with what you assume as good in your mind and the feeling of bad or emptiness in your heart.
You have been programmed to put other people first and sacrifice your personal sense of self in order to provide for the wellbeing of your surrounding. People pleasing is part of a trait an abused child carry in order to be accepted, valued and appreciated. This people pleasing is a trait that is always based on terms and conditions of the judgemental people around you, family, siblings, parents, friends, peers, colleagues and boss.
A lot of people who have endured childhood trauma has inability to have a back bone and stand for what they believe in, and to protect their personal interests. Their refusal lacks firm grounding and being aware of their principals, values and belief with ability to reflect on their personal interests. As a people pleaser who is used to be people pleasing, they exclude personal interests in their life and hence whenever they say No or Refuse, they have problem maintaining confidence in refusing or denying or rejecting people’s demand of them. This is one of the trigger a child of abuse may be exposed to, they are unable to refuse, reject, or deny demands from people who are not respectful of their feelings and personal stand. A concern individual could read this behaviour they carry but an oblivious opportunists will constantly keep demanding more from this people pleaser. You, if a people pleaser may carry guilt, shame, lack of self-respect and self-beating for not standing up even for yourself. These all takes a toll on your self esteem and caved in personal confidence.
To begin starting fresh in life, you find yourself here wanting to know wether or not it is possible for you to be happy, to achieve independence and happiness in life. To heal childhood trauma and be a confident person at work, in university, in the home, and being free in expressing your values, beliefs, principals in life. As well as begin to use your voice to express your own thoughts and feelings that may have been put into silent in a lot of encounters feeling lack of self-worth to push or share your ideas in groups of friends, at work, in your surrounding or people whom you cherish or value.
As a child, you may have had bad experience, traumatic incidences, things that happened you could never tell anyone, you didn’t want to bear that responsibility of pain you carry towards other people, you didn’t want to burden other people with your story, thinking that it is not okay to share this experience, that you are solely responsible for all the bad things that happened to you as a child. Speaking to your own parents to explain your childhood experiences is shown as weakness rather than strength. Your parents may ignore, tell you to forget it and move on, not validating your experience as a child under their care. Your friends may tell you to keep your chin up and focus on the pleasant things in life. You carry a big painful rock in your chest waiting to be expressed to the people who care and yet can barely be authentic and true to many or most people. You feel judged, bad and seen as a negative person when you decide to share a story to another person around you.
You see, you too are an individual, and basically you do not need other people to share this to except to spend time to begin exploring the experience on your own and ask yourself the questions, why, how, and what can I do. Sooner or later in life you could be doing well in life and people and friends who care about you will be listening your life story without judgment or depricating your life experiences. For now, it falls down on your lap, this responsibility to check the list of your past experiences and resolve your tangled mind and emotions about the traumatic childhood you experienced as a child.
The first thing you can do is list down bad experiences you endure as a child if you remember them, then try to solve these feelings through observation, acknowleding all the emotions link to it. Being aware of beliefs, thoughts or values you carry in your mind. Kind of challenge and oppose that mental values you with the emotional experience and truth you carry in your heart. Most of the time the mental perception you carry in your mind is based on a lie and it hurts your emotions and feelings and you are stuck in a conflict of mind or heart values. As long as you condition the state of your mind with the values of your heart, you are not able to validate all your true emotions. In fact you will force your mind to tell your heart to feel differently because you taught yourself people in your surrounding says I must feel this way and listen to them, or the suggestions in your mind, which is first and foremost a violation of your personal right to feel. The people in your surrounding, childhood, peers, they are suggesting you the idea on how to feel when offered a thought or demanding you certain values from your part. This is called manipulation.
A lot of time manipulation happens when people suggest or request certain things from you and offers influence of emotional feeling for you. “You should feel good I am offering you this opportunity that I am not offering to the other friends” or “You should be happy you are my favourite child and you get to help me clean the house and do the dishes” or “You should be happy I am spending time with you all the time and bring you to work with me and you helping me with typing documents”. You should be grateful you have a grandmother and helping her do gardening and yardwork at her home in the weekends”
Manipulation happens with certain individuals suggesting you to be emotionally positive when they request you your effort, attention, companion, and forcing you to believe that your negative emotions is not validated, or true. They put their hands in your heart to force your emotion into positive feeling so that they can gain something from you. To do that, they put lies and deceit in your mind so that they can control your behaviour.
It is time to be more authentic than that, the feeling of being manipulated by your childhood experiences and realise that if your childhood family care about your wellbeing, they will not need to put suggestions or force you to feel a certain way the way you are not naturally feeling.
You have been avoiding and mentally evading your childhood feelings with terms, conditions, rules of societal conduct, and family upbringings that you are not emotionally healthy and able to take care and nurture your right to be who you are. If you cannot be true to yourself, there is no way other people can be true to you. Begin this journey of self liberation to open the cage of your wild heart and express all the things you have suppressed in your childhood trauma. The heavy things could be the sexual abuse, the molestations, the violent verbal assault and death threats some traditional egoistical parent use on their childrens during angry rages that debiliates your self-esteem and self-worth of not feeling right to live.
Your life is not own by anyone, Life is independent you breathe without string attached to people’s demands. Every life is sacred and beautiful. Its time to learn that your life is in your hands and how conscious and aware you are to be who you choose to be is important and can change the next path you take from now on in your life.
If you are 16 years old, realising you are googling this keywords “childhood” “trauma” “malaysia” and find this blogpost. I am happy to do sessions to help you heal that. Anybody under the age of 21 looking for healing, I will take that opportunity to help you. If you wish to send me questions and help me build this blog to help raise awareness of emotional freedom from trauma in Malaysia, please do so. If you are a career woman or man looking for assistance and can afford to book an appointment or session with me, contact me to begin a coaching and healing program specifically for you.
Your choice and decision to begin a new chapter and even a completely new book begins with your self-awareness to change what no longer serves your highest purpose. Most of the time it is the mental programming and behaviour programming in your mind and body. It includes the freedom of your heart and honesty of living. To be constantly honest with yourself until you reach a level of transparency and able to know when people in your surrounding are not being honest, it is empowering your gut feeling and intuition when you are honest with your own emotions and know yourself better than anyone’s suggestion of your feelings.
The most violating part of a human right is that you are unable to express yourself and your voice without being influenced by people who disrespect your emotional state and instead doing the thinking and feeling for you. They push your soul, take your body, force you to think their way and force you to feel their way, and end up using, abusing, taking advantage, hurting you and endangering your health, psychology, emotions and mental rights as a human individual. Learn about personal development so that you are not a prey in the world full of predators and begin to attract strong character and individual who respects, honours, cherish, values you as part of the love sphere on earth. Where everyone has equal rights, exchanges everything based on love and independence and learn to love with a sword of truth at all times.
Thank you for reading my blog, I hope that this post assists you in opening the wound of the past, and empower you to take a stand in your beating heart and personal happiness, that your life is important and it matters. You can heal and grow stronger and beautiful from the thunderstorms of your cold pasts. You as an individual have the power to choose and liberate yourself from influences that doesn’t grow your soul into glory and grace.
My name is Meredith Mynrose, I am a Universal Healer, Life Coach and Peace Visionary.
Sending blessings and love,