Dear beloved readers and Malaysians,
Since it has come to my attention that many people have issues at work when it comes to working with people who do not pull their weight, or carry any transparency, honesty or respect. It is hard for you to find peace around people who are manipulative. Especially if you are used to being disrespected, keeping quiet, letting pass people’s manipulative behaviour towards you.
Workplace bullies carry negative energy of desiring to overpower their surrounding due to their needy characteristic to feed their ego so that they may be look up to, appreciated and valued. The fact is, bullies or charming individuals rally support from their team or colleagues and peers to take advantage of a individual who is allowing the bully, the intimidation, the scrutiny of controlling each of their behaviour pass under the radar.
Awareness of your peer’s behaviour is important if you wish to be alert of your personal boundaries being disrespected. Workplace bullies can intimidate their peers through subtle ways of rudeness, criticisms, put-downs and creating dramatic situation that makes the superior blames the innocent peers.
Some of you who may be reading this are empaths, highly sensitive or very compassionate individuals who do not have the same values with the chameleon sociopaths who are charming and nice on the surface and that carries an ugly values in the core.
You may have had trouble with workplace bullies. Who turns the authority against you, and you don’t know why the authority, your boss or senior manager is now against you. The culprit is the behind-the-scenes situation that happens without your awareness.
You can first be very confused on why your senior are singling you out and shaming you in front of your other peers for your presumably inadequate work. Things do not make sense to you on why some peers and your senior at your career-place is reacting to you more negatively rather than usual. You may not know what you did wrong, you may not understand what is going on. Well its true that we can validate your experience as abnormal and something is amiss.
You did not know why people are reacting to you negatively. You do not know who has been talking about you behind your back. You were not aware of the lies or gossip or “office politics” that may go around behind your radar and awareness.
When you don’t know something that has been spread about you, it is common for people to react negatively towards you when they hear a negative insight pointed towards you.
The first method is to address the weirdness around you. To clear the air and be extremely transparent about your feelings and acknowledging the behaviour of other people towards you. Humans have flaws, and nobody is perfect, everyone does their very best to be what seems to be a good choice in life. So the people , your peers who may have been influenced to go against you may have done so due to their lack of awareness of themselves and their character of integrity.
Open a line of communication with the people who are treating you with biased judgement that makes you feel something is amiss. Ask them what did you do that made them begin to react or behave differently than before. Ask them why they change their behaviour towards you. Express that you would like to know and understand so that you don’t jump to conclusion and make judgements about them. The goal here is to create peace in your connection and relationship at work.
If your honesty is taken with an agressive tone, or defensive behaviour, you too need to learn to engage in a manner where people cannot feel inferior. It takes practice to be sincere and honest and express with pleasant feeling that you care and wish to understand them and their behaviour. If the reaction you receive by opening this communication is bad, agressive, and the person who you wish to communicate doesn’t want to communicate with you and began to dismiss you rudely. You should understand that you must not take it personally. People have different personalities and if you cannot have harmony or peace in your surrounding at work, you should inform your superior that it is not a peaceful and inviting space for you to feel comfortable to focus at your task at hand. Althought you practice kindness and respect, you should not tolerate disrespect from people or rudeness. If the reply you receive is harsh and non-understanding, you do not need to apologize or excuse wanting to reach a state of peace between your connection with your peers.
It is easy to influence people who are easily whispered with power of suggestive opinions and remarks. Especially from a charming sociopath who knows how to pull the emotional strings of this easily influenced people. People of strong character would not be easily influenced. They carry integrity as their fore. If your boss, authority or superior had a strong character, then they would be able to understand a charming sociopath’s agenda. But if your boss, authority or superior had a weaker character that is easily influenced, especially after having a lone time with the social chameleon, your superior may have taken sides, instead of being able to judge fairly and listening to both sides of the story and making an investigation about accusation, criticisms. A boss or superior who has no strong character with fair leadership qualities is not able to make fair judgement.
If you have had trouble with knowing where you draw the line of disrespect, your personal boundaries or values, you have to check within your inner characteristic that has been brought up by your childhood surrounding. Do you feel weak to speak up your concerns and express your rights. Do you feel tired to explain yourself and defend yourself. Did you even try to at first?
The charming sociopath will always have an upperhand when you allow them to act in a behaviour that diminishes your integrity towards yourself. If you don’t speak up and put a stop to their harassment, it will keep lingering on until there is a fuse blow inside your emotions or mind to make you really piss off with them. Hence why are you using your patience to put up with disrespect, misbehaviour, harassment, dishonesty, manipulation in the first place.
Are you ? Are you putting up and having patience towards disrespect thinking that you are better person for having patience? That somehow this is a virtue? No you must have gotten it wrong, putting up with disrespect is not virtue, putting up with disrespect or rudeness is lowering your self-worth and personal values and it affects your vote of personal confidence, self esteem and self belief. Overall your voice will start to shrink and the sociopath in your office will feed their ego and pride of being able to bully, scrutinised, affect and impact you to behave like a weakling, with no voice, and no strong principal, defensive standing.
What happens in the workplace with people reacting, responding, behaving to each other has very close ties to how they carry themselves in the hierarchy at home and the value you are imposed with. People with compassion, heart centered, kind and focus too much on how their affected emotionally and did not realise the people around them, the sociopath pulls the strings of their emotion to play their game of abuse and bullying.
It could be the same enigma at their home with the same values and the same roles. People carry their roles from one place to the other, not being aware of it. It works both ways. Some people who are a self-sacrificial individual tend to give in to other people’s quirks and demands, so when they go to office at work, they began to behave the same way. Our behaviour can only be interpreted and acted out by each individual who carry awareness.
People like charming sociopaths could be used to manipulating people to complete their agenda. Their personality shifts with each individual they meet and come across. This could be at home, with friends, with work colleagues and their superior. They are not authentic and they are the gaslighter of the space, pushing buttons, creating drama, making people quarrel against each other. They are the culprit and most of the time, everyone would never think to blame them, because they have been putting the seeds of innocence charming individual all this time, at the same time, projecting and pointing finger to the individual in the group that have been putting up with their abuse, rudeness, disrespect and manipualtion and deceit all the while. Does this sound familiar to you ?
If you find yourself in this situation, I wish to recommend you to oversee your behaviour, character, personality and how it serves you to defend yourself in situations where you feel victimised by your surrounding. Your personal values and perspectives may override the clarity of the bigger picture and you may choose to begin self-awareness and awareness of your surrounding more in-depth. Rather than reading the surface, go deeper in the intentions and motives why people behave or speak in a certain way towards you.
Even more, observe your reactions, response towards people and look at the way you carry yourself. Is it with self-respect or dignity, or do you feel like you cannot be yourself and you feel negative around certain people constricting the way you express yourself. Learn to be honest and true with your own feelings and character so when you begin to behave out of character, you know that it is a projection coming from people in your surrounding. Your awareness will help you to start taking responsibility to your personal power and from then onwards it is harder to manipulate you to be guilted, shamed, victimised by your peers and surrounding in the office.
I recommend for you to book a session with me to help you deal with your current dilemma in the office and learning how to handle your personal energy and maintaining awareness of yourself. Then we may go into the root of each seed that denotes how you naturally behave around demanding surrounding and we will ask question on how do you choose to be better next time. We find the problem, We search the first seed of infliction, We get to the root problem, We heal it with clarity, understanding, and change of perspectives towards positive soul growth.
It is time to empower yourself as a strong individual if you wish to be ambitious, achieve success, have great achievements. You have to learn to have strong character, individualship, leadership and principals. Email me to find out about the Coaching Programs.
Blessings and Loving salutations,